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What the hell is she saying?
There is a new fear building inside me—one where she walks away from me and I’m left to pick up the broken pieces. I push up instantly, leaping down the steps and grabbing her wrist before she can run.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
My stomach twists when she stops but doesn’t look at me. “You’re too blinded by me, Jackson. You pushed away everyone who meant anything to you. Letting Halle back in is a good start, but you need space to think about things without me clouding your judgment. There are a couple of spare cabins still left. I’ll use one of them for a couple of days.”
“Fuck, no.” I force her to turn around so I can see her face, but she refuses to meet my eyes with hers. “Dove, look at me.” She doesn’t, so I grasp her chin, forcing her head up. There are tears clinging to her lashes, and it’s a knife to my gut, knowing I’m the reason for them. If I wasn’t so terrified of her slipping away from me, I might stop to comfort her, but my heart is dancing frantically in my chest. “You’re not sleeping somewhere else.” The words come out harsh, abrasive, and it makes her lift her chin defiantly.
“You don’t get to decide that.”
My wolf whimpers, urging me to fix this, urging me to give her whatever words she needs to hear so she will stay, but my throat feels closed, and I know I can’t. My issues with my pack run far deeper than I can forgive.
“You’re not leaving me.”
“That’s not what this is,” she says in a soft voice. “I’m not leaving. I’m just?—”
“Moving out?” I hiss in anger.
She flinches as if I’ve slapped her, which makes me feel like a prized asshole. “You don’t think clearly when I’m around.”
“That’s fucking bullshit.”
“We’re fighting an unknown threat on multiple fronts. We don’t have the luxury of fighting amongst ourselves, and the only reason you’re so mad at the guys is because of me. So I’m going to take myself out of this equation until you sort things out.”
She tries to pull out of my grasp, but I tighten my fingers around her wrist, refusing to let her go. Despite her assurances, my brain doesn’t believe that I’m not losing her completely.
“Please let go of me.”
Her soft plea hits me in the chest like a ten-ton weight. I shake my head, desperation rolling through me. “We’ve already lost so much. I can’t lose you too.”
“You’re not losing me, but you need some distance, some space, to figure things out. I don’t want you to sacrifice things because of me.”
“Dove, please.”
“I love you. I didn’t know just how much until you were out of my reach, but I do love you.”
“This doesn’t feel like love.”
Her smile is sad. “I’m not doing this to hurt you. I want us to be together, but not like this.”
When she pulls free this time, I don’t stop her, but my heart is breaking as I watch her walk away.
Chapter 14
Dove
Waking up alone leaves me feeling empty in a way I didn’t expect. I hate it, and instinctively I reach across the bed, seeking the comfort of the wolf who has become everything to me. I have been staying in this cabin for a couple of days, and Jackson has pulled even further away from everyone, making me think my tough love approach might not have been the right one. I know he watches me, watches the cabin too, but he hasn’t approached me since I left, and I know why. Jackson knows he has to make amends with his pack and he’s not yet able to make that step. Yet. The girls have visited me—Roux and Halle bringing food and giving me updates on Jackson. I cling to that information like it is a life raft.
I roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling as my thoughts collide violently. There have been hundreds of times over the last few days where I have wanted to go to him, to forget about being strong, to gather him in my arms and tell him I love him—but that can’t happen. Jackson is lost, drowning in the darkness he created around himself. Forgiving Halle was a good step in the right direction, but it’s only a step. He’s still so angry at his pack and the girls. I don’t know how to reach him anymore, and my drastic measures haven’t really helped.
Eventually, I force myself out of bed, taking a shower and pulling on a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie I stole from Jackson. I have three or four in the dresser because I refused to leave them behind.
Even with his clothes, his smell, against my skin, I feel his loss stab through me. I miss him.
I want him to hold me in his arms, to kiss me, and tell me he loves me.
Memories of our last time together bounce around my brain. I thought I was helping us, but I had no idea just how stubborn my guy is.
