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She's just watching me. She doesn’t even try to help me out with words. She's going to make me articulate all of this.
"This just isn’t in my…plans. My wheelhouse. I kind of suck at one-on-one relationships and I can’t do three, baby. I’ll fuck it up."
She studies me. She doesn't protest that, she doesn't argue, she just stands watching me.
"And I don't really add anything that any of you need,” I go on. “Those two are going to love you, really well. They can give you whatever you need. All I bring to the mix is an older guy, with some kind of stupid ideas about sex, a teenage kid, an ex, and a not-great relationship track record. None of you need that."
She takes a deep breath and blinks rapidly. "So we’re just done?"
"Yeah. I'm going to step aside. You and Cam and Alexsei are going to be great. I'm not even going to say something stupid like, give me a call if it doesn't work out with them, even though I want to. Because I know it's going to work out with those guys. You’re going to be really happy."
She swallows, lifts her chin, and nods. "It is going to work out with those guys, and I am going to be really happy."
It feels like she punched me in the stomach, but that's stupid because she's right. I nod. "You're amazing. And I don't think I'm ever going to get over you."
"Good, I hope not, because that’s what you’re choosing. It’s a choice." She steps past me and walks to the door of the bar, but as her hand touches the handle, she turns back. "You know, Owen, there's something really great about being able to fuck up and be loved, anyway. About just being wanted, instead of needed." Then she pulls the door open and steps inside.
I watch until it bumps shut behind her.
And I realize that half of my heart just walked into that bar. And I’m not getting it back.
CHAPTER 28
Luna
"Crew, this couch is amazing," I tell my brother as I lean back on the huge-assed sofa in his, Dani, Michael, and Nathan's new brownstone.
My brother is lounging on the other end and despite his over-six-foot frame, we’re not even close to touching. He grins. "I know, right? But can you say that a little louder for Nathan to hear?"
I chuckle. "Nathan's not going to hear anything I say. He is very much avoiding me."
I don't blame him. I’d be avoiding me, too, if I showed up on my doorstep in sweatpants, sunglasses, and a cloth grocery bag of provisions—i.e., wine, potato chips, and ice cream. Michael was the one who opened the door, but he brought me inside, pointed to the couch, and immediately called for Dani.
Yes, I'm here to wallow. I'm madly in love, and only two-thirds of the men are cooperating. The other is very much not, and I miss him more every day. The worst part is that I believe Owen loves me. And I know that he knows that I love him. He even likes Alexsei and Cam. He's not jealous of them. It all just comes down to him not thinking the foursome fits into his “life plan.”
God, have I ever dated a guy who even had a life plan before?
They’re overrated as far as I can tell.
Business plans are great. Planning for love? It doesn’t work. Look at me, trying desperately to avoid dating a hockey player and insisting I don’t need a relationship because of the bakery.
Love found me anyway.
And unlike Owen, I was open to accepting it. So were Cam and Alexsei.
Now I can’t imagine not having them in my life.
Alexsei is my sunshine. He makes me smile, he makes me feel loved and like I can do anything. He thinks I’m amazing. Everyone needs a little of that–or a lot of that–in their life.
Cam just gets me. It’s like he knows what I need sometimes before I do. And it’s not always the worshiping I get from Alexsei, strange as that sounds. Sometimes I need to be left alone. Sometimes I need someone to roll their eyes at me and tell me I’m being dramatic. Sometimes I need a funny GIF or a dirty text. Cam always delivers. He never treats me like I’m precious, but I know I’m wanted and appreciated.
And then there’s Owen. He makes me feel loved. Safe. Protected. Like I’m a puzzle piece he was missing and I make him feel complete.
That’s what hurts right now. I miss him so much. And I know he misses me. Why is he staying away?
Coming to Dani's was a knee-jerk reaction. She's my best friend, and I knew that she would welcome me in, give me a fuzzy blanket, and let me cry, rant, and stuff myself with junk food.
However, she is living in a happy foursome, and that is blatantly on display as I wallow on her couch.
