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He grins. “Yeah. Yeah, she was. How did your parents handle things?”
“It was just my mom and grandma, but they handled it as well as they could, I think. They never understood it, but they were supportive anyway. At least in theory. I never got the chance to bring home a boyfriend or anything like that before they were both gone.”
“Shit, I’m sorry. When did you lose them?”
“My grandma passed when I was fifteen and my mom when I was just about to graduate. Cancer, both of them.” I can’t help but smile despite how sad it is, their memories too warm and rich for me to ignore. “They taught me to cook.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I’ll have to make a recipe sometime.” He’s looking at me, nodding as I talk. He still has that chocolate on his lip. God, lick your lips before I act like a fucking idiot and do it for you.
His chocolate lip curves down as he frowns. “Nolan?”
“Have you dated?” I blurt. I try to recover quickly, not wanting him to see that it wasn’t a planned question. “Over the last decade, I mean?”
His tongue darts out, getting the chocolate. Shit, that’s worse. That’s way worse. “No. It’s too hard to really date while working an operation. Too many secrets. Disappearing all the time. It would have been messy. Plus, I wasn’t good company very often. I’d let myself go out for drinks and blow off steam once or twice a year, but other than that I was a grumpy asshole who spent his days either literally or figuratively drowning in filth.”
“Where would you disappear to?”
“I did behind-the-scenes work for Travis all the time, especially in the earlier years when he was rising through the ranks and hadn’t acquired a lot of other regions yet. If a higher-up in a region wasn’t cooperating with our plans and we thought someone else would be more willing, I’d go take them out. If we needed information, I’d go have a little chat with someone. On rare occasions, some nobody would pop up with a slave in their possession, and we’d be able to take that person out and save the slave since they didn’t matter to the big picture of the operation. I got to do that a few times a year.” He smiles like he’s thinking of a particular memory. “Those were definitely my favorite.”
“I bet.” I can’t smile though, a frown tugging at my lips instead. “You did that alone? Wasn’t that dangerous?”
“Not alone, just not with my team.” When I tilt my head in confusion, he smirks. “Keats, another operative—actually, the one who helped Travis track and take out Mica—has contacts with guys who work private contracts. The best of the best. We have a bit of a slush fund here, since our lead operatives all have so much fucking money as their undercover identities. Since we don’t work for the government—I don’t know who the fuck we work for, really, but I know it’s not the government, not officially—we get to keep that money and use it toward mini-operations. I’d pay these contractors to come help me. There was one in particular that I really enjoyed working with. This crazy Texan who loved what we did just as much as me. That fucker is ruthless when he’s working, but has the biggest heart too.”
Jealousy burns in my stomach as I watch him talk about this man. There’s something in his eyes as he describes him, something I recognize from the way he’s been looking at me lately. “And we’re back around to sex.”
“Hmm?”
“This operative. You’ve fucked him.”
“Oh.” He laughs awkwardly. “We scratched each other’s itches once or twice, yeah.”
I can’t handle the implication of that look in his eyes being used on both me and a man he’s fucked, can’t handle what that could mean for us, so I focus on the next more important thing instead. “Do you have feelings for him?”
He laughs again, but this one is loud and genuinely amused. “Feelings for Hyde? Definitely not. I don’t even know his real name.”
“I didn’t know Travis was Travis. Didn’t stop me,” I mumble.
His amusement dissolves, that crease returning between his eyebrows as he frowns. “I thought you said you never actually had those feelings.”
“I didn’t. But it’s… complicated. My head is a fucking mess.” I shrug. “Anyway, you could still have feelings for him.”
“Well, I don’t. He’s a great man, don’t get me wrong, but not the person for me.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Why isn’t Trav or Jake or Ace the person for me? They just aren’t. They’re great guys. They’re hot. I bet they’re plenty good at sex—Lord knows Hyde was. But they’re just my friends.”
“Have you ever had romantic feelings for anyone?” I ask, hoping I don’t sound too curious.
“Oh, definitely. I’m actually kind of a hopeless romantic.” His smile turns a little sheepish, his eyes darting away toward the river. “Don’t tell anyone.”
My skin buzzes with all the things it feels like we’re not saying right now. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“Good.” He winks at me. I have the sudden urge to giggle. Thankfully, I contain it. “What about you?”
“What about me? I’ve spent my adult life as a sex slave. I’m sure you can imagine my experience level.”
