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Dr. Singh chuckles at Carter’s groan, but doesn’t let it deter him. He starts passing out index cards and markers as he explains his exercise. “I want each of you to write down at least one word that describes how you felt at any point in the night of the rescue. You can write more if you’d like.”
I frown at my card, fiddling with the marker. The urge to look around at the others’ cards to cheat is ridiculous. This shouldn’t even be that hard. I felt a shit ton of things that night. All I have to do is fucking pick one.
I uncap the marker and settle the tip against the card, ready to write the most obvious: Relieved.
Except… I wasn’t relieved, was I?
Fine. Not relieved.
Scared.
I was scared.
But what if Dr. Singh asks me to specify when that fear was? What if he makes me admit that the fear only got worse when I realized I was being freed, not better?
Not scared, then.
Worried.
I was worried about the other slaves. Worried about it being a test or not. Worried about what Master—Travis—was going to do. Worried if he was even alive. Worried what would happen to me once free.
Okay, that turned into the kind of territory I don’t want to share yet again.
Overwhelmed.
I was definitely overwhelmed. It was chaos with all of the screaming and crying, all of the gunshots, all of the dead bodies and blood. I could barely think straight. Everything was happening so fast and without explanation. I was still overwhelmed in the safe house later that night, but that’s to be expected. I’m sure all of the survivors felt that way. It was chaos in an entirely new way. It was freedom. It was the great unknown of our futures. That’s overwhelming for anyone, right?
I go with that feeling—Overwhelmed.
After another minute or two, Dr. Singh asks if anyone wants to start us off. Bryce’s big inhale is the only warning before he’s launching into his diatribe. His words are: Confused, Scared, Pissed, Relieved, then Pissed again. He makes it clear he understands that everything happened the way it had to happen, that there was no way to warn them ahead of time or anything, but that doesn’t stop how he felt about it all. Dr. Singh tells him over and over that it’s okay, that his feelings are valid, that everything he thought that night and still thinks now is understandable.
Bryce crumples his card when Dr. Singh says, “It wasn’t your job to save all of the survivors, Bryce. It never was.” He shoves the card into his pocket and turns to face the sliding glass doors, jaw set hard. I don’t think Bryce knows what to do with himself if he’s not saving us. I hope he figures it out one day, though.
There’s a long silence before Dr. Singh asks, “Who wants to go next?”
“Because we’re off to such a great start,” Carter mumbles.
“Thank you for volunteering, Carter,” Dr. Singh says with a cheeky grin.
Carter huffs, looking down at his card with a glare that I think even Travis would wilt under. “I didn’t write anything.”
The look on Dr. Singh’s face says, I’m not surprised, but the man is too kind to actually speak the thought. At least to us. I’ve heard from Maison that he can be pretty harsh with the operatives when they’re uncooperative, since he has a different kind of relationship with them. “If you couldn’t come up with a word, maybe you want to talk about the hardest part of that night? Or one thing that happened that made you feel any sort of way?”
“You know what happened to me that night, right?” Carter asks. “Like, you’re aware of the whole being violated on stage by multiple men while my brother had to watch?”
“I am.” Dr. Singh tilts his head. “If you had to choose one word, how did that make you feel?”
“How about two? Fuck you.”
“Fair enough,” Dr. Singh says, not looking the least bit offended. “Who’s next?”
Casey lifts his card like he’s being forced to give up his firstborn child. “Worried.”
“What were you worried about?” Dr. Singh asks.
“Pretty much everything,” he admits with a laugh. “But mostly Carter and Jake. The other survivors, too. And Travis, I guess, but I didn’t really know him well yet. I think I worried about him for Carter’s sake.”
“Did that worry fade once everyone was safely here?”
