AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Do you love Maison, Nolan?”
I smile, looking up at him again. He smiles when he sees mine. “Very much.”
“Has he told you he feels the same?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I think you owe it to yourself and to him to explore this.” He leans forward again. “Because—and I need you to really hear this, Nolan—it is okay for you to want the things others forced you to endure. It’s not the same. It’s nowhere close to the same. They’ve taken enough from you. Don’t let them take this too.”
I feel panicked. I feel relieved. I feel sick. “But what if he can’t give me what I need?”
His smile turns sad. “Then you’ll have to decide if submission is a need or a want. One you can live without. Or one you can’t.”
It’s a need.
I already know it’s a need.
But I need Maison more.
“I’ll tell him,” I decide. “It’s worth a shot, right?”
Dr. Singh nods, but there’s something pinched in his eyes. Something worried. “It’s worth a shot.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Maison
I’m nearly asleep when Nolan sneaks into my room and crawls into bed beside me. I keep my eyes closed, my hands finding him on instinct and guiding him against my side. He presses his cold nose beneath my jaw, a soft laugh escaping him when I shiver.
“How’s Matt?” I ask, since that’s usually the reason he doesn’t come find me sooner these days.
“He’s fine, I think. I wasn’t actually with him.” His fingers play with the chain of my dog tags. I realize as I feel the metal shifting against my skin that I finally feel like I deserve them again. I’ve done a lot of good with all of these survivors. I’m working on doing a lot more of it, too. I’m even making major headway with Carter, a miracle I wasn’t sure was possible all those weeks ago as I stood in the bathroom eyeing these very tags hanging on a hook.
“Maison?” Nolan whispers.
I smile. God, I love him. “Yeah, baby?”
“Can we talk?”
My good feelings vanish, my chest aching with the anxiety that overtakes them. I try to breathe through it, knowing I need to stop expecting the worst. This could be anything. Hell, it could even be something good. “We can always talk, Nol. What’s up?”
“Um.” Nolan takes a shaky breath before pulling out of my hold and sitting up. I follow him, pausing just long enough to switch the lamp on. I squint, rubbing my eyes for a moment, then look over at the man I love. My stomach plummets. Nolan looks on the verge of tears, his bottom lip already wobbling. “So, I had a session with Dr. Singh.”
I nod, having known that much. It was before dinner, though. I’ve seen him since then. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I want to talk about… something.”
Well, that’s helpful. “Okay.”
“I just—I don’t want you to—it’s not like—I mean, we should—I just need…” He stops, squeezing his eyes shut. I want to reach for him, but my hands feel frozen in my lap. The anxiety I was fighting before comes back with a vengeance, making it a little hard to breathe.
“Just say it, baby. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it. You and me. Together. Okay?”
“Okay.” He swallows hard. Nods. Looks anywhere but at me. “Okay. So, like—um. I think I—well, I think—the thing is—”
“Would it be easier to write it down for me?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “No. No, I don’t—I don’t want to write—no. Just—um. Okay. Like a Band-Aid.”
