AllFreeNovel
Share Us
And Christ, he looks so fucking happy, so fucking relieved, that I find myself praying I have a dominant inside of me just waiting to be set free.
How hard can it be, right?
***
Whatever powers control the universe take mercy on me. Just an hour after Nolan dropped his bomb and then left to make dinner, we get the okay to go after William DuGray, the man who owned Casey before Jake was able to save him. The man who tortured Casey nearly to death. The man Casey has asked to come with us to kill.
My head is a fucking mess as I board the plane. It oscillates wildly between the mission and Hunter Meridian’s instructional videos of all fucking things. He talked a lot, even in his rope videos. While his fingers worked, he’d often cover aspects of kink that he found important for all newbies to learn and all veterans to brush up on. Through him, I’ve already learned the difference between safe, sane, and consensual kink, and risk-aware consensual kink. I’ve learned what safewords are. I’ve learned about sub drop and aftercare.
As much as I appreciate the education, I do wish Meridian wasn’t haunting my thoughts as I try to piece together ideas of what to do with Nolan. Especially when a little voice in my mind decides to whisper, Meridian could probably piece the both of us together.
Someone takes the seat in front of mine, kicking my leg to get my attention. I rub at my eyes before granting it. Travis. I frown at him. “What?”
“Okay, grumpy.” He flips me off, but it’s a fond flipping off, in the way only best friends can do. “I was going to ask what’s on your mind. You look pretty fucked up over here.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m fine.”
“Try again.”
“Travis…” I stop myself before I can launch into an angry demand for him to leave me alone accompanied with the reminder that we should be focusing on the mission. Travis is into kink—with my brother, but I’ll choose to ignore that. He also knows Meridian and probably knows the same stuff Meridian does. Bonus points, he’s known Nolan for years. “Actually… it’s about Nolan.”
He raises his eyebrows, either surprised it’s about Nolan or surprised I’m willing to talk about it with him. “Is he okay?”
“Yeah. Well—I mean, yeah. It’s just…” I glance around, wanting to make sure this conversation is private. I want advice from a friend, I don’t want to start a gossip chain. “So, we slept together.”
“Wow. Congrats, man. That’s great.” He pauses, his eyes searching my face. “That’s… great, right?”
“It was good. Great. Yeah. It just turns out it wasn’t—uh—everything he wanted it to be.” I grimace. “It turns out I’m not everything he wants me to be.”
Travis shakes his head. “That man looks at you like you hung the moon. Hell, more than that. Like you created the entire fucking universe. He never looked at me like he looks at you, even back when he had himself convinced he loved me.”
“No, I know. He loves me. I’m not saying I’m not what he wants—I’m not explaining this right.” I put my head in my hands and groan. Then I just say it. “He wants me to be his dominant.”
I’m not a huge fan of Travis’s long pause, but I’m too much of a coward to look at him or say something, so I wait it out. He eventually sighs. “And I’m assuming from your demeanor that you don’t want to be his dominant.”
“Not even the tiniest part of me, Trav.”
“Really? There’s nothing?” he asks, not judgmentally, just disbelieving. “I mean, dominance is a wide fucking spectrum, Maison. There’s truly nothing you think you’d like?”
He has enough of a point for me to finally look at him again. “I… don’t know. Maybe? I mean, he wanted to be told he was doing good in bed and I didn’t mind telling him that. Especially because it made him really fucking happy.”
Made him fucking come, actually.
“Oh, praise kink is huge for him, yeah.” He winces the moment his words have time to register. I’m not a big fan of the reminder that Travis probably knows the man I love’s kinks better than me. The thought sours my stomach. At the same time, it makes him the perfect fucking resource. “Sorry, I—”
“Don’t,” I say. “I want to be the best I can be for him. If that means being reminded that you two have a… history, then I can handle it.”
He doesn’t look entirely convinced, but he still nods. “Well, that history made it clear he needs that praise. I don’t want to cross any lines by telling his story for him or whatever, but I’ll say that the men in my house realized that was the best way to torture him. Nolan could withstand—well, you’ve seen his chart. He probably has one of the highest pain thresholds I’ve ever seen. But to be told he was bad, or that he disappointed them, or to be tossed aside after without any hint of approval? God, it killed him. If anything was going to break that man, it would have been someone convincing him he wasn’t a good boy.”
I let that sink in, my stomach still feeling a little sick. I wish I could go back and kill every one of those men again. This time slowly and painfully instead of with spiked champagne.
But I could tell him he’s a good boy. I could totally fucking do that. I could drown that man in praise all fucking day long.
“I haven’t,” I find myself saying as I finish filtering through his words. “Seen his file, I mean.”
Travis’s eyebrows raise so damn high I worry they’ll disappear in his hair. “Really?”
“It was never secure for you to send them digitally. I know you have all the physical ones at the safehouse now, but it just never felt right for me to see them with all the survivors around. Especially Nolan’s.” I shrug. “I obviously saw some of Carter’s since you were giving me updates along the way, and I’ve looked at the ones for the slaves we’re still trying to find, but I haven’t looked at any for the guys that safely got out.”
