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I stall for a second, programming the microwave.
“Daddies protect you from the monster under the bed, and take you to school, and buy you medicine when your throat hurts!”
“But you and grandpa do that already,” she says with a whine in her voice.
I sigh. She rarely asks about her father, but when she does, it’s always devastating for both of us.
I press the start button on the microwave and bite my lip.
“Alissa, you don’t have a daddy because he traveled a lot and thought his job was the most important thing to him.”
“Why can’t he come back now?”
I hold my breath and will my eyes to stay dry.
Who knows, baby. If he proves himself to me, maybe he can.
The microwave beeps, and I take the mug to transfer its contents to her sippy cup.
After closing the lid, I wipe the tears from my eyes and kneel in front of Alissa.
“Sweet pea, we have each other, and that's what matters most. Mommy loves you very much, and we'll figure everything out together, okay?"
I can’t help it and start to sob, and my little angel goes into panic mode. She starts hugging and kissing me. She begs me, “Mommy, please, don’t cry!”
I breathe and collect myself after a while, and finally give her a smile.
“Ali, the game is on!” mom calls out loudly.
“You can go, sweet pea. Mommy will be right there.” I kiss her on the forehead and stand to go wash my face in the sink.
“I love you, mommy.” She hugs my legs and then darts away from me.
I make myself a cup of tea and stay in the kitchen while the game is still on.
I sip in silence while they cheer and I call out, “I’m coming soon!” when Alissa calls for me.
When I finally return, Dan and Carla are leaving, and Alissa has fallen asleep in dad’s arms. I take a seat by him and lay a hand over Ali’s chest to feel her breathing.
“She said you cried,” Dad says, holding her hand and not looking away from her.
“She asked about her father again,” I explain, desolate.
Dad shakes his head, mirroring my sadness.
“Dear, you may be able to keep it a secret from us, but please, don’t torture your daughter by keeping it a secret from her,” he says. “Everybody wants to know their origin, even a five-year-old. How do you think she feels when even divorced dads show up at school?”
I feel restless and fidgety, my fingers tapping on my knee as I shift in my seat. “I know how she feels because she tells me. But I’m not just ready yet, dad.”
“Well, for Ali’s sake, I hope the day you find yourself ready comes sooner rather than later,” Dad says, standing up with Alissa in his arms. “I’m going to put her to bed. Come with me?”
“Sure.” I smile even though my heart feels heavy, and I follow him upstairs.
Chapter Eleven
ANDREW
The Icehawks are playing the Glaciers on the TV screen. The sports bar we are at in Missouri is packed to the brim, and I can only imagine how crazy it’s going to be at the height of the Cup Championship.
