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My stomach tightens but I breathe through the tension and pray I'll say all the right things that won’t break us apart.
Ryan glances at my hand, at the ring on my finger. “That looks good on you.”
He sounds genuine but I can tell he's not happy.
“I didn't know I was getting it until last night.”
“It's okay. Hunter was bound to give it to you at some point soon if the wedding is two weeks away. I think most people were waiting for that to happen. And of course, it's bigger than any kind of rock a farm boy like me could ever give you.”
My throat works, but the sudden dryness prevents me from swallowing.
God, he was thinking of asking me to marry him?
Ryan watches me, waiting for a response, one I'm not sure how to give. I set the coffee cup down and stare back at him, searching for the right words.
“Please say something.” His voice is a gentle plea.
“You say such things but you never did anything to let me know that was how you felt. Why did you do that?”
He nods. “You're right to ask me that. My answer is just as lame as my actions. I don't know. I've been thinking about that myself, wondering why I never did anything. I honestly don't know.”
His answer breaks my heart and I can hear Hunter's words in my ears whispering the truth. It hurts even more to accept that Hunter was right.
I wish Ryan could have said something else. Something different, something more meaningful.
Like he didn't want to ruin our friendship or something along those lines, but not that he didn't know.
“Better late than never,” he cuts into my thoughts and searches my eyes. “I meant what I said the other day, Luna. I'm not giving up on us.”
“How exactly do you plan to do that when I'm getting married in a few weeks? I'm not going to cheat on Hunter.”
The tension in his jaw tells me that's exactly what he thought we'd do. “I'll think of something.”
I shake my head. “No. I think you should leave it alone, Ryan.”
"I can't." His brows furrow. “Every time I came home from the Army, the first person I looked forward to seeing was you. When I was on duty and things got dangerous and I thought I was going to die, all I thought about was you. So don't ask me to stop.”
His words grip my heart yet at the same time irritate me, forcing me to stand. “How can you say that to me now that I'm engaged to another man?”
He stands, too. "Because you're my friend."
“Exactly,” I snap back. “Friend. I'm your friend, Ryan, and you've been a good friend to me, a really good one. But if you wanted more than that, you had your chance. There were so many years that went by when we could have been together, yet you did nothing. I did everything to show you I was interested. There's no way you didn't know.”
He sets his hands on my shoulders. “This doesn't sound like you, Luna. Don't tell me he's gotten into your ears.”
I shake his hands off, and my head at the same time.
“It's me.” I speak with emphasis on every word. “This is me talking. I waited for you, Ryan. I saved myself for you but you didn't want me. At Christmas I was only brave enough to tell you how I felt because of my bucket list. I promised myself I'd tell you before the end of the year. If that wasn't on my list I wouldn't have said anything, and we wouldn't have kissed, would we?”
I search his face as though looking for the thing that will give me something to hold on to, but I find nothing. The answer is confirmed when he shakes his head.
“No, we wouldn't have,” he admits, giving me extra confirmation. “But we can still have those things, Luna. I believe we can.”
“I think it's too late. You'll always be my friend. Always. But I think that time has passed for us. We have to move on.”
He takes my hand, the one without my engagement ring, and brings my knuckles to his lips to kiss it. “Luna Bianchi, you will always, always be my friend, too, but I refuse to believe or accept that this is it for us. I just can't do it. If there's a way to be together, I'll find one.”
The conviction in his expression breaks me a little bit more.
