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"Nah, I would explode if you gave me a nice bat or stick, but a gun would be a very close second." Hanna still bounced on the balls of her feet as she spoke with a joyful voice, which I found very adorable.
Pressing my lips firmly together, I resisted the urge to hold her face to bring it closer to mine. Instead, I tightened an arm around her to hug her more firmly against me. Leaning in, I settled my chin atop her head, moving a hand up to cradle the back of her head.
Gritting my teeth, I held my tongue back, not wanting to ruin this moment while it lasted.
God, I wished she'd let me in, let me take care of her.
"Thank you Stepan, thank you so much, you have no idea how happy I am right now, my heart is still racing a mile a minute." And she bounced on her feet like a bunny still.
I would do anything to make her happy, to keep her happy. She deserved so much to make up for the shitty life she's had to live through.
I don't know her full background yet, but from what Angel told me, Hanna had it rough until Angel's father took her in. Hanna lost her father at a young age and was then subjected to her mother's harsh hand. Angel didn't divulge much, but I could surmise enough with how grave her expression had been with her pain-laden voice.
My little tigress deserved nothing but the best, and I would give it all to her.
Chapter 17
Hanna
Oh my God, I'm really going to do this.
I should be excited, but why am I not? Why am I not more excited? I finally accepted a date with the hot guy I've been talking to for the past week, so I should be fucking elated. Yet, why did I feel somewhat icky?
My mind knew the answer, my brain pulling my eyes over to the open door just to my right.
Stepan fucking Volkov. The smug ass, handsome, sexy beast of a man who sat behind his desk with a head of tousled hair from how many times he's run his hand through it from the stress. Even when he was messy, he looked perfect.
He's the answer to why I tossed and turned late into the night until my hands ended up under my clothes for some relief and satisfaction before guilt set in.
I chose to put this wall between us, to shut and lock the door before he came close to it. So, I shouldn't fantasize about him at night and in the shower. Nothing good would come from letting my heart and mind run my desires. I just tortured myself at this point with forbidden thoughts about Stepan.
I needed to stop, but I couldn't.
I only ended up on the stupid dating site on impulse, hoping to fill in the void with another man to kick Stepan from my system completely. I just needed another handsome man who would be willing to give me the attention and affection I desperately craved and needed.
All I needed was attention and affection; anyone could give me that. It didn't have to be Stepan, so why should it be Stepan? There were tons of blonde-haired, blue-eyed men out there for me to snag up—with killer bodies, too!
My daily little breakfast didn't need to come from Stepan either. Any man could do that; I just had to find the right one and then figure out where the hell Stepan gets his little pirozhkis from. The damn asshole got me hooked on them, just those specific ones from only God knows where, because he refuses to tell me.
The other day, his little gift nearly had me tearing down the wall, but then I remembered that any man could give me gifts as long as I asked for them. Not like I ever would because then I would feel needy and greedy.
I really liked how Stepan gave me a meaningful gift, one I would actually use on a near-daily basis. I hadn't even complained about my old pair falling apart, yet he noticed and took action—I rather loved that. He paid attention when no one else had, maybe a little too close and much, but at least he noticed without being encouraged to.
But I could get all of that from someone who's not Stepan.
Of all the people in the rotten world to tug at my dried-out heartstrings, why did it have to be him?
Deep down, he's who I wanted, who my stupid fucking heart wanted.
But I can't. I won't.
I have to forget about him. He was my boss, and he can't go anything beyond a friend for both our sakes. He may think he wants me, but they never do when they see all that's beneath. Even if they do see past my ugly, it's not like there was anything better underneath because my personality definitely won't be winning any awards anytime soon or ever.
Hell, I don't know what I'm even thinking with this stupid date and entertaining this man tonight. I'd also probably chase him off when I sensed him closing in. At least Stepan would understand and accept my mafia lifestyle, considering how he was mafia, so I guess there was an upside to Stepan besides his caring charm.
Still, no man wants a woman who could kick and beat their ass to the ground. No one wants a wild woman, a beast. I had no redeeming qualities. I was dark and twisted both inside and out. Emotional issues, psychopathy, delusional, crazy, strange, weird, violent, outspoken, arrogant almost. The list of qualities undesirable in a woman could go on and on if I had the time of day to list it all, and I'd check off nearly everything on the damn list.
Inhaling deeply, I held my breath until I felt my head spin before letting it out. I needed to get Stepan out of my mind, and I shouldn't be getting myself hung over a man I had no chance with. Besides, I had a hot date tonight. I should put in some effort, at the very least.
