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Five minutes less than the time the ambulance will take.
I don’t waste another second thinking about it. Cutting the call, I pocket my phone and quickly grab my jacket off the hook. It’s cold outside, and I need to make sure Riley doesn’t freeze in my arms. After buttoning her up in my winter jacket, that’s way too big for her, I cradle my Little Wallflower in my arms.
And then I get the fuck out of here.
I don’t think, I just follow my protective instincts. It takes me a minute and thirty seconds to get to my car and buckle Riley up in the front seat. Her head falls limply against the door.
The drive is two minutes and eighteen seconds. I hold her hand, keeping our fingers intertwined. I don’t let go; I can’t let go. I need to feel her warm skin against mine. “It’s okay, you’re going to be alright. I got you,” I tell her, as if she can hear me. I hope she does hear me.
I can’t check her pulse while I’m driving. I don’t know if she is—
“Stay with me,” I beg, my voice thick with fear. “Don’t go, okay? Just…stay with me. I got you, Sunshine.”
Once I reach where the rest of the road is blocked for vehicles, I pull up against the curb. It takes me another thirty seconds to get Riley unbuckled and out of the car.
Cradling her tightly against my chest, I watch as Riley’s head lolls back, resting limply on my shoulder. I adjust her position, holding her securely in my arms, and then I take off.
I run as fast as I can, my feet propelling me forward.
I run and I don’t stop.
Sweat drips down my forehead. Twenty seconds.
Forty seconds. Thud.
A flash of pain slices through me, and it’s not physical. One minute.
One minute and ten seconds. Thud.
Adrenaline courses through my body. Two minutes and thirteen seconds.
Three minutes and five seconds. Thud.
Every particle of me shakes in utter desperation and blind panic. Three minutes and fifteen seconds. God, I’ve never been so terrified in my life.
I don’t stop running until I reach the hospital. It took me exactly seven minutes and fifty-five seconds to get Riley here.
Pushing through the doors of the ER, I call out frantically, “Help me! Please.”
Two nurses rush forward, bringing a gurney with them. I’m forced to release Riley into their care, watching helplessly as she’s taken away from me.
The moment she’s gone, my knees give out, and I sink to the ground in the middle of the crowded hospital.
Fuck, I’ve been deceiving myself all this time.
The tightness in my chest won’t ease, even when I know she’s safe. That she’s going to be okay now. Every breath I take is downright excruciating. I’m shaking on the inside, cold terror running through my veins.
I don’t know when it happened or how it happened.
Emotions clog my throat and I practically choke on them.
Somehow, Riley Johnson has clawed her way under my flesh, sinking into my bones, into the marrow of my very being. My soul recognized her, saw her likeness, way before my heart did, but I continued to believe in my lies, simply remaining in denial all along.
I didn’t realize how frozen my heart was until Riley’s softness and her fragile soul started to melt the ice.
I had told myself that I would never ever fall in love with Riley Johnson. She’s Thomas’s daughter, after all. But that’s the thing…I don’t know if I’m capable of love. It’s such a foreign emotion to me, how does it shape? What does it feel like? How the fuck am I supposed to know?
Human emotions are too complicated. Maybe I don’t love Riley, but I don’t hate her either. I actually never did. What I feel for the Little Wallflower is something in between, because she’s so much more than my nemesis or my responsibility.
