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“But it looks like all they’re getting is sweets,” said Baptiste.
“Oh, that’s just while they’re testing things for us,” said Chelsea. “I typically order pizza or sandwiches for them before they leave. They arrive at eight, then are done by two. We call them taxis if they want, but most just want to walk back to wherever they’re staying.”
“No offense, ma’am, but how are you still in business? This has to be costing you a lot of money,” said Miller.
“It does,” she laughed. “Shawn, our CEO, he’s determined to keep doing business this way. Fortunately, we’ve got a good reputation, and we put out nice products. Private labeling has helped us a lot, and we lean into that.”
“Private labeling?” frowned Pork.
“Yes. It’s like you find a lotion or shampoo that you love, but you have a hard time finding it, or it’s too expensive. A hotel might ask us to reproduce it with minor modifications and stick their name on it. Or what’s very common these days are doctors wanting their names on their own skincare lines. It’s been a good source of revenue for us.”
“What made him decide not to use animals?” asked Baptiste.
“Well, I’d love to tell you it’s because he’s a fine, animal-loving man,” laughed the woman, “but the truth is, he’s allergic to animal hair. Besides, we’ve all become attached to these folks. In the last few years, we’ve lost some, and Shawn always pays for their funeral. We all take a few hours off, attend the service, and pay our respects.”
“It’s really remarkable,” smiled Pork. “I don’t know many businesses that operate this way any longer. I wish more did.”
“You and me both, honey,” said the woman. “Is there anything else you’d like to see? Anyone you’d like to speak to?”
“No, we’ll leave you to your day,” said Miller. “Thank you for taking the time to show us this amazing company.”
“My pleasure, sweetie.”
With the first lab giving them warm, fuzzy feel-goods, they were almost afraid to go on to the next one.
“We’ve got two more to see, but they’re both fairly close to one another,” said Miller, staring down at the sheet.
“Let’s knock ‘em out,” said Pork.
Southeast Testing Centers could not have been more opposite from Burns. The building was a four-story, modern glass building. The parking lot was filled with more hybrid and electric vehicles than the men had ever seen in their lives. They counted two Bugattis, three Lamborghinis, and eleven Mercedes AMGs.
“Holy shit,” muttered Baptiste. “There must be fifteen million in cars sitting in this parking lot. What the hell are these people doing?”
“Let’s find out,” frowned Pork.
Unlike the Burns company, there were two armed guards standing at the door, waiting to check the men for weapons. When they were allowed to enter, they passed through a security screening machine, then another checkpoint. Finally, arriving at the reception desk, the man looked up at them.
“Gentlemen, we’ve been waiting for your arrival.”
“Waiting?” frowned Pork.
“Yes. We were told you were coming regarding our animal testing procedures. I believe a Dr. Riley Neill called yesterday.”
“Yes. That’s us,” said Miller suspiciously.
“Right this way,” said the man. “My name is Mikael Oswald. I’m one of the researchers here, but also work closely with the suppliers of our animals.”
“You don’t reproduce the animals here?” asked Pork.
“No. It’s messy, smelly, and requires you to have professionals taking care of the animals. We’d rather not have that burden. We purchase animals from reputable dealers.”
“What kinds of animals?” asked Baptiste.
“Kind?” frowned the man.
“Yes. Mice, rats, bunnies, dogs, cats? What kind?”
“All of those.”
