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“You did the work,” he argued, always the humble one. “What changed your mind?”
Laughter burst from my mouth, and I choked it back, shaking my head. “Your mom told me I wasn’t ready to be an Old Lady.”
He pulled back, standing a little straighter, obviously surprised by this information.
“Stella…”
I waved my hand, cutting him off. “No. She’s right! And that’s what changed my mind.” I licked at my lips and the water gathering on them, trying to find the right words to explain. “Jaxon, I love you. I want to be the woman who stands beside you. Who will do whatever is needed to protect you. The one who you can fall back on when you’re not feeling strong.” I swallowed hard, forcing back the tears that were burning deep in my throat. “But I’m not her. Not yet.”
This moment was hard.
Not just because I was telling the man I loved that I wasn’t the right woman for him, but because I knew that in the future, I could be, and that would probably be far too late.
Chelsea telling me I wasn’t ready had hurt.
But it was also the reminder I needed that I still wasn’t ready for a lot of things.
I wasn’t ready to pay my bills, do my taxes, make my doctor’s appointments, or even cook a full, healthy meal that didn’t consist of mostly canned or precooked food.
And I sure as hell wasn’t ready to live up to the standards that old ladies like Chelsea, Skylar, and Hadley set every single day.
Jaxon stepped in, the rain having eased to a gentle shower now, but the thunder and flashes of lightning still threatening to unleash on us. He took my hands and leaned in, pressing his forehead against mine. “I love you too,” he whispered, and a shudder shot through me, shivering up my spine. “And I’m going to be miserable as hell without you, but I’m so fucking proud of you.”
I was glad he couldn’t see the tears dripping onto my cheeks, thankful the rain had disguised them. “You’ll soon find someone who can be that person for you.”
He shook his head. “Lightning doesn’t strike twice.”
I leaned back, looking up at him with a smile. “What do you mean?”
He just grinned, hooked his arm around my neck, and pulled me into his chest. “Just something my mom said. Come on, time you got inside and dried off, and I got home before this storm becomes a shitstorm.”
He held me tight as we climbed the stairs to the porch, kissing my forehead and stepping back.
“This isn’t it, though, right?” I questioned, my throat burning again as I reached for the door handle.
“Stella, there is never gonna be a this-is-it moment.” He laughed as he backed down the stairs and climbed on his ride. “You need me, you call. And I will always come. I promise.”
I nodded, silently watching him mount his Harley, my body jumping as it always did when he turned the engine over, and she came to life. The sound of him pulling out of the driveway and onto the road rivaled the thunderous skies, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I held him to that promise he’d made—probably a lot more than he expected over the next few days before I left, given its intention was most likely meant for much further into the future than that.
And even though right now I wasn’t ready to be what he needed.
One day, I just might be.
And you can bet I’ll be making that call.
