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“Yes, I think it’s best.”
Her emotionless reply angered him. “Best for who?” he snapped.
She startled and he could have kicked himself for being loud. She calmly crossed her hands on her lap. “It’s like you said. I don’t belong here.”
She may not belong here, but they belonged together. How had she wormed her way into his very soul? He would never believe she didn’t feel the same.
“Is this because you’re blind? Do you think you’re being noble by giving me an out because the game changed? I’ve got news for you, sweetheart. I don’t care and I sure as hell don’t want an out. I very much want an in.”
He was getting ready to say those three words he’d never said to another person when her parents walked in. The last time he saw her was as her mother wheeled her down the hallway away from him.
Heavy footsteps coming downstairs brought him back, away from the memories that tore him in two. There was only one person brave enough to walk into his home uninvited.
Austin stopped between him and the television, picked up the remote, and turned the game off. Dozer didn’t care. He did complain when Austin took the bottle out of his hand. “Hey, go get your own,” he grumbled and made a clumsy swipe to get it back.
“I’d say you’ve had enough. You’ve never been a heavy drinker. You have to build up to a full bottle.” Austin set the bottle on the wet bar and took the other recliner.
“Who are you to tell me when I’ve had enough?”
“I’m your best friend, and your president.”
Being an ass came naturally to him lately, but he didn’t have a response to that “Did you come over for a reason or to school me?”
“I thought you’d like to know that Karma has been taken care of. She won’t bother any of us ever again. If she does, she knows what will happen to her if she ever steps foot back in the state.”
Dozer’s teeth ground together. If he’d had his way, Karma would have ended up in the desert or at the bottom of a very deep ocean. She’d been so jealous of Janel, she’d hit her with a metal pipe, knocked her unconscious, and then sold her to the Lucianos. “If she’s breathing, it’s not good enough for me.”
“How long are you going to sulk?” Austin asked.
He growled, “What the hell do you mean?”
Austin grinned. “You love her.”
Bingo. He wasn’t sulking. He was hurting and doing his best to deal with an emotion he had no previous experience with. “So? Fat lot of good that does me. Do you see her hiding around here? No, she left. Did you forget she wiped her hands of me like yesterday’s trash?”
“Who the fuck are you? Man up already!”
Dozer stood in one movement, which would have made more of an impact if he hadn’t swayed on his feet. Maybe he did have too much to drink. “What do you want me to do? Rush the palace? She’s a fucking princess. She made her choice and it wasn’t me. It’s the life she’s known.”
“Did you tell her you love her? Did you give her a choice to stay with you?”
“It wouldn’t have done any good. She ended us with a proper fucking thanks, it was fun, but goodbye.”
Dozer put his hand over his aching heart, his shoulders drooped, and his head fell forward. All the fight left him. All the past insecurities of being the little boy his father had left, and the way he disappointed his mother with his wild behavior, came crashing in. He couldn’t be the son she needed, just like he couldn’t be the man Janel needed in her life. He was never enough.
“I’m sorry, Trav. I wish it had worked out for you and I want you to know I heard you. What you said about Legs. I cut her loose. She would never be more to me than a fuck, but you were right, she wanted more and that’s never going to happen.”
“Men like us don’t get the fairy tale, Austin. We shouldn’t. We’ve seen too much ugly and done way too much shit to deserve a good woman on the back of our bikes.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. If the right woman for me is out there, I know I won’t sit on my ass feeling sorry for myself instead of fighting for her. Nothing or nobody would keep me from her. You think on that, you sorry ass.”
Austin left soon after Dozer turned the game back on, sat back down in his recliner, and refused to engage. Austin’s parting remark still echoed in his head, though. “You have a job tomorrow afternoon. Make sure you’re sober.”
* * *
Dozer made it to the job and was thankful for the four hours he spent on his bike. He didn’t even care that it was a piss poor delivery job. It gave him a partial return to normal in his life and a short reprieve from missing Janel.
He couldn’t wait to get home and fall into bed. He was dog tired and that just might have been enough exhaustion to make him sleep without dreaming of the woman he loved and waking up with his arms cold and empty.
