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I don’t know what to say back to that and I don’t want to speak. I’m too afraid that I’ll start crying.
“That’s why I was calling actually. I never got to thank you.”
“You don’t have to—” I start but he cuts me off.
“Yes, I do. You saved my life, Jonah. Thank you. That day… it was bad. It was really bad… but it could have been worse.”
We’re both silent, each of us lost in our own memories of that day. I wipe a tear from my cheek as I think about the friends that I lost that.
“I’ve got to get back to work, but I’m here if you ever want to talk,” he says.
I nod even though he can’t see me. It still feels like there’s a lump in my throat but I try to clear it.
“Yeah. You too,” I add.
“I’ll talk to you later, man.”
“See you.”
We hang up and I sit there, staring at the wall. I need to get myself back under control. I need to get my emotions back into the box that I try to keep them in before anyone can see that something is wrong.
I close my eyes, picturing Mabel’s smiling face. I wonder if her hair is tied up or loose around her shoulders. I wonder if she’s waiting on me.
I open my eyes, hurrying to shove my feet into my shoes and get out the door. Ledger and Tilly are both in his office and I sneak past the open doorway. I don’t want them to see my red eyes and ask what’s wrong.
I climb into my car and head toward Mabel’s apartment.
Maybe Reyes calling today was a sign. I don’t want to talk about that day, but it’s time that Mabel knew.
I just hope that she can look at me the same way once she does.
NINE
Mabel
Jonah has been acting weird since he got to my place a few minutes ago. I had been prepared for him to jump me as soon as he walked through the door, but instead, he’s been distant and distracted.
It’s obvious that something is going on with him, that he’s on edge and that puts me on edge.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask him as he paces around my kitchen for the fifth time.
I’ve never been very patient, so even though I told myself that I was going to wait for him to open up to me, I can’t seem to take the wait. I need to know what is upsetting him so that I can help him fix it.
“No, but… I should. Talk about it, that is.”
“Come on,” I whisper, taking his hand and leading him over to my couch.
I force him to sit and then take a seat next to him. He squeezes my hand and I squeeze his back.
“You can talk to me, Jonah. I’m in for the long haul,” I tell him.
It feels terrifying to tell him that, to even hint that I love him and that I want to be with him for the rest of my life, especially with him acting so jumpy. It also feels like a weight has been lifted. I’ve been holding myself back from him, biting my tongue so that I didn’t come across as desperate or crazy.
“I got a call just before I came here,” Jonah starts and I scoot closer to him.
Whoever called or whatever the call was about has him on edge. He can’t seem to sit still. His knee is jiggling as his foot wiggles back and forth in rapid movements. Even his fingers are in constant motion. They twist together and he keeps squeezing or running his thumb over the back of my hand.
I try to sit patiently, but it’s hard. I’m starting to get really worried.
