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Soft jazz music played in the background of their comfortable silence, heightening the normalcy of it all. Elias could almost forget what they did yesterday, along with Levi's message. Hell, even sex in the car with that wild, domineering prick sat by the wayside.
Comfort.
That's what this was, and Elias was happy to soak in it. It seemed, however, Ian was not.
"So, about yesterday…" Elias did his best not to groan out loud as Ian continued. "Was it, uh, good for you?"
He raised his brows. Out of all the things Ian could've said, a self-conscious question about whether Elias, the slut of an omega, liked the sex they had? He found it ridiculous, but managed to keep a straight face.
"Do you think I liked it?"
Ian's smile twitched up to the left, betraying his nervousness. "I do, but then you ran away and didn't even let me hold you. Forgive me for picking up mixed signals."
Elias sat back in his chair while clutching his mug in both hands, empty plate forgotten. He wanted to pick at his nails or tear out a suspiciously wayward thread on his shirt, but kept still instead. While anxiety-inducing, this conversation needed to happen.
"I'm not great at commitment, at least not anymore," he mumbled while taking a sip. "And sleeping in your room felt like one, I guess?"
Ian nodded and took a few more bites of food, chewing slowly. Elias bounced his knee without interruption, only to stop and start again. It happened over and over as they studied one another. He had no idea what he was trying to find. Was there really any other response he could give?
Ian cleared his throat. "Okay, and what would you say if I asked you to commit to this? To us?"
The moment Ian and he fell into bed, he knew this question was inevitable, causing him to reflect on every bad choice that led them here. The mistake of not taking his blockers last night, not believing Ian, sweet, gracious Ian, would come home. Then begging for his best friend's knot like it was the last drop of water in the middle of a desert. Every one of them was his fault.
He sighed.
While the general idea of letting Ian love him beyond friendship was appealing to his omega, Elias didn't exactly trust those instincts anymore. A lot of times, they were driven by hormones, pheromones, or both. He'd learned so many lessons the hard way it was impossible to accept anything easy, and that's what this was.
Talk about a one eighty from his attitude not even twelve hours ago. Elias should carry the weight of shame for deceiving the poor guy. No, that's not accurate, his sins extended far beyond mere deception. Instead of providing solace, his actions gave Ian a flicker of hope, which only made things harder to bear.
Elias' palms were sweaty, so he set the hot mug down and wiped them with his napkin as he shifted back and forth. Ian watched every movement, cataloging all aspects of Elias' reaction. The intense attention, though a bit intrusive, helped ground him in the moment. Unfortunately, it didn't make what he requested next any easier.
"Can I think about it?" he asked, feeling like a coward.
Ian slowly nodded, his tentative smile slipping. "Sure, no problem, but I'm going to ask again. There are many things I can let go of, Elias, but you're not one of them."
That afternoon, Elias sat on the couch staring at his phone screen while worrying his bottom lip into a throbbing pulp. Levi's email may or may not be giving him a stomach ulcer. Weirdly enough, he didn't want to turn down the opportunity to know what a real dominant partner was like. Well, alphas were all dominant, but Elias meant in the leather cuffs, 'listen to me when I'm speaking to you,' kind of way.
He enjoyed forgoing control, even though he didn't do so often. Perhaps giving it a try was acceptable? Just once? He bit the lip he'd been nibbling on, eyes shuttering closed when he heard Ian step out of the bathroom.
It would've been acceptable yesterday, but not today. Ian claimed him with a slow and perfect rhythm, causing him to see stars with each thrust. The connection they harbored was so strong, it was impossible to deny the pleasure it brought. Outside of bed and in it. But then there was the man in the car, Dane, who'd given him the same level of relief Ian had until opening his fat mouth.
However, maybe, just maybe, Elias overreacted. They were bantering in the first place, and the guy had no clue Elias was sensitive to the words whiny or needy. Hell, he didn't even know Dane's name until they were halfway through the deed.
Why was he thinking about that again? It's not like the guy had contacted him or anything, and it'd been over a week since it happened. Dane knew exactly who Elias was because of the expo, so he might not be interested anymore.
His stomach dropped out violently at the thought, shifting the turkey, bacon, and tomato sandwich Ian shoved down his throat twenty minutes prior. Elias grimaced and pulled the blankets around his shoulders more tightly, trying to ward off the pining thoughts circling his head.
He doesn't want you and you're still thinking about him?
That's both pathetic and hilarious.
You're weak, remember that. Remember that you aren't an alpha and never will be.
"I'm aware," Elias grumbled, hugging a tan and gold-embroidered pillow to his chest.
"Aware of what?" Ian asked, stepping back into the living room with a raised eyebrow.
He glanced up in embarrassment, a hot flush overtaking his cheeks. Elias wished his derisive internal monologue would just kick the bucket already, but that wouldn't happen until his heart stopped beating… and wasn't that just the most exhausting thought in the world?
