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“It’s what I told myself…when he had me…hurt me. There were so many times I just…I didn’t see how I was going to survive another hour…another minute, but I just kept on telling myself to take the next breath….to keep breathing. As long as I took the next breath, and the next, and all the breaths that followed, I was surviving. I was staying alive. That w-was all I could focus on.”
“You survived, Evie. You’re here and you’re alive. You’re not alone. You have me and the guys. Your family always have your back too, even if they’re not here with you, you know that. You can come through this. It won’t be easy, and you won’t come away unscathed, but you will find your feet and take steps forward into your future, if you want that.”
“I don’t want to give up,” I admitted shakily.
“Then that’s a good place to start,” he agreed as he leaned in to kiss the top of my head. It was such a small gesture, but it meant so much. I felt how much he cared for me, and I needed that.
“Guys? Everything okay in there? You’ve been almost an hour?” Kailan called, startling me. Harris pulled me tightly against him to soothe my already frazzled nerves.
“Just hold up there for a few minutes, brother,” Harris called back. Then he looked to me and smiled comfortingly. “Think you can stand so I can help you get dressed?” he asked.
“Yeah. I…I can manage. You c-can go,” I told him.
“I’d rather stay and help you, if you’re good with that? You’re still shaking badly, and your face is white as snow.”
“What about the clothes?”
“We know your sizes now. I’ll have the shop assistant pick you out some stuff. Kailan can take you to the car if you’re comfortable with that, while I finish up.”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I think I’m probably done for today.” I felt completely drained and I knew I wouldn’t have the strength I’d been feeling when we walked in. If anyone brushed past me at that moment, I was pretty sure I’d lose it again.
Harris nodded then stood, lifting me to my feet effortlessly as he did. He guided me over to the chair in the corner and helped me sit, then he passed me my clothes and helped me to pull them on. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking and the exhaustion that had swept over me was making my joints painful – a side effect of all Soloman had put me through, it seemed. I’d had trouble with pain in my shoulders, knees, and hips ever since he left me in Boston, and nothing I did seemed to alleviate it. Some days were worse than others, but it was definitely worst when I was exhausted.
By the time he had my sneakers on and had tied them for me, I wanted nothing more than to curl up in a small safe place somewhere and allow sleep to claim me.
“Rush? You out there?” Harris asked after a few silent moments.
“Yep,” Kailan replied. Harris leaned back and opened the curtain, and Kailan stood right outside, his broad arms crossed, causing his biceps to stretch the fabric of the shirt he was wearing. He looked menacing, like he was keeping guard and daring anyone to mess with him. But as soon as his eyes met mine, his face softened, and he smiled a little.
“You okay, darlin’?” he asked.
“I kinda freaked out when they set off that alarm,” I admitted.
“She’s okay, but it wiped her out. Can you get her to the car so she can rest while I finish up here?” Harris elaborated.
“Sure. That okay with you?” Kailan looked to me for an answer, and I nodded. I may not know him like I knew Harris, but I trusted him. I trusted all of the guys since I had seen them with Harris and recognized the bond between them. They truly were brothers, and I knew, for that to be the case, they had to be good men.
“Come on, sweetheart,” Harris grabbed my hands and helped me to my feet. My legs were shaking beneath me still. It was infuriating to be so weak. I had never been that way. I grew up with five brothers who spent a ton of time with me. We rough housed a lot. They taught me to throw a punch when I was about four years old. By the time I was ten I was learning self-defense several times a week with them. They taught me to be strong and gave me the skills to feel confident I could take care of myself. They also taught me what true strength was – the kind that was forged as you passed through the fiery hell that life could be. Now I was the one being passed through those fires, and I only hoped I could come out with a scrap of the true strength my brothers had. So far I was pretty sure I was failing.
“She’s really shaky. Keep her close,” Harris said as he looked to Kailan.
“Don’t worry. We’ll be just fine, right Evie?” Kailan asked. I nodded again and forced a smile. He stepped forward and wrapped a huge arm around me. It felt a little awkward since I didn’t really know him, but it didn’t make me feel anxious, as I did when anyone else ever knocked into me or brushed against me. It just felt secure, plus, he smelled so good. He was obviously wearing cologne and it had a spicy sort of scent that I loved.
“All good?” Harris asked as he released my hand. He was studying my face, so I half smiled and nodded.
“All good.” I agreed.
“We’ll meet you at the car, boss,” Kailan told him, then he led me out of the changing room and into the department store.
The store was still busy, filled with moms with strollers, friends shopping together, and reluctant men being dragged around by wives and partners. Music was playing overhead, and I could hear a beeping from the cashier ringing up purchases. It was an overload for my frazzled brain and I could feel my heart rate picking up already.
“Just hold on to me as much as you need to, okay? I’ll get you out of here as fast as I can,” Kailan assured me as he wrapped his arm even tighter around me, then circled my front with his other, caging me in and away from the rest of the world.
His sheer size meant that people naturally cleared out of the way for him, and I was so grateful for that as we got out of the store with not one person knocking into me or even getting close.
“Doing okay?” he asked when we walked out onto the street. I gasped in a huge breath of relief.
“Yeah,” I sighed as we paused in the quiet of the doorway. “Sorry. I’m alright most of the time, but that alarm…I just lost it.”
