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“Who? Your brothers?”
“Yes. They taught me to defend myself. They taught me to be strong and to fight. I…I let them down. They’re going to be so disappointed in me.”
“No. Evie, stop that,” Nick said. He placed his finger under my chin and lifted my head until I was looking at him again. “They will never be disappointed in you. You’re talking crazy. They taught you to fight and be strong and that is exactly what you did. You fought. You didn’t give in. You survived a fucking serial killer. They’re going to be nothing but proud of you and relieved you’re still here.”
“I’m not the same anymore,” I told him.
“No, you’re not. You’ve been through a traumatic experience. No one who went through what you did would be the same anymore. I’m certainly not, after what I went through. Neither are the other guys. We’re all different, but is that so bad? Whoever we all are now, we’re stronger. More fucked up, but stronger,” he told me with a slight smirk that made me laugh through my tears.
“I just don’t want to let them down. I know it’s stupid, but I’ve always looked up to them. All I ever wanted was to make them proud.”
“That’s not stupid, Evie. But I’m sure they’re already proud of you. You’re an amazing person, and now, knowing what you’ve come through, they’re only going to be prouder. You have to stop being so hard on yourself, baby,” he told me as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. I didn’t miss the fact he had called me ‘baby’ and I couldn’t say I disliked it. It felt good actually, as did his bare chest under my cheek, the slight tickle of his chest hair appealing to the part of me that liked a man to be a real man.
“We should go back down. I want to talk to them again now I’m less like a crazy lady,” I laughed as I pulled back.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” he asked.
“Yes. I’m okay. You talked me down. Thank you.”
“You head downstairs then. I’ll just grab a shirt and check on Zack, then I’ll come down too.”
We walked out of my room together. Nick leaned down and kissed the top of my head, then we wordlessly went our separate ways. I tried to focus as I moved down the stairs, but my feelings for these guys were getting jumbled and messing with my head. I already knew I had feelings for Harris, but I was beginning to have feelings for the others too. That wasn’t normal, right? Was this just because I had been alone and afraid for so long? Was I latching onto them because they were being so kind and because they made me feel safe? There was a name for that, right? Like ‘transference’ or ‘rescue romance’? Something like that. I was sure I’d seen it on Criminal Minds, or one of the other crime shows I liked to binge.
“Hey darlin’,” Kailan was in the kitchen, making coffee. He was dressed in jeans and a sweater, but he looked tired.
“Where’s Harris?” I asked, panicked that he was gone. What if he’d ended the call? Would I be able to call them back? I hadn’t said anything to them. I wanted to tell them I loved them and ask how my mom was.
“Breathe, Evie. He’s just in the garage. He’s still talking to your brothers. Sit, and I’ll get him, okay?” Kailan told me.
“Okay. Thanks,” I nodded as I moved back over to the closest stool and sat my shaky ass in it. I took some deep breaths to try and calm myself down. I needed to get it together so my brothers weren’t worrying so much about me when we spoke.
“I’ll pass you over to Evie, guys,” Harris said as he walked into the kitchen and held the phone out to me. I took it from him and pressed the loudspeaker button, setting it down before me.
“Hey,” I greeted.
“Hey yourself. Are you feeling a little better?” Kade asked.
“Yeah. Sorry. It was just a lot hearing your voices after so long.”
“Tell us about it. We really thought we’d lost you, Evie. Mom and Dad are going to be so….relieved isn’t even the word,” Kyle sighed.
“How is mom? Is she alright?” I asked.
“She’s had a hard time. She’s tried really hard to believe we’d find you, but I think she lost hope after the first few weeks. Dad’s been so focused on finding you, or getting a lead on the Number Killer, that he’s barely been there. They were a mess, Evie, but they’ll be okay once they know you’re safe.”
“I need to speak to them,” I said, trying hard not to allow more tears to come. It was killing me knowing what they had all been going through because of me though.
“We discussed that with Harris. I need to sweep all of our houses for bugs, but once I’ve done that we’ll use this cell to call you with mom, dad, and the others tonight. Prepare yourself for Xanders medical questions,” Kade chuckled.
“How are the kids? I miss them so much.”
“They’re all good. They miss you too. Only Riley and Tom know what’s going on. The others think you went on holiday. We didn’t want to upset them when we didn’t know anything,” Kyle explained.
“Eliza is convinced she’s getting a huge present from you when you get back, considering how long you’ve been gone,” Kade laughed.
“Well that will give me something to think about then. Presents for the kids,” I laughed too. “And Livy?”
“She’s been doing her best to keep us all going and stopped Kyle from smashing shit up at home too much,” Kade told me. “She never doubted you. She just kept on telling us how strong you were and that she knew you’d find a way to come back home.”
