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“I like you guys too,” I admitted, not wanting to leave them hanging when they’d put themselves out there. “I just…like you said, there’s so much going on and I’m not in the best place to be making huge decisions. Can we just see where things go? I’ve never even considered having something like Livy and my brothers have. I never thought it would be a possibility. I…I’m honestly not sure how I feel about it.”
“You don’t think you’d like a relationship with all of us?” Nick asked, and when I turned to him he looked a little hurt.
“Of course I’d like a relationship with all of you,” I cried. “I mean, look at you guys. I should be so lucky. You know what I mean?” I laughed. “It just seems like a terrible time to even be thinking about dating and relationships. I’m a mess. I have no idea where my life is even going.”
“We get it,” Harris assured me. “Take all of the time you need. Nothing changes between us all for now. Let’s focus on what needs to be done and just see how things unfold, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” I agreed with a sigh of relief. Kailan turned on the TV and found a movie for us to watch, but I couldn’t tell you what it was. All I did as I stared at the screen was wonder what the hell had just happened. I couldn’t take in that they all liked me and had feelings for me. I had assumed I was losing my mind when I realized I was falling for all four of them. I never even dared to dream they’d want me too.
But what I had said was true. I was a mess and it was a terrible time to start one new relationship, let alone four. Soloman was still out there and threatening anyone I cared for. I needed to focus on finding his identity and getting him caught.
But there was no denying the hordes of butterflies that had taken flight in my stomach at the notion of having a relationship with these four, amazing, caring, resilient men. I had no idea how it would work, or if it even would, but I definitely cared for them, and I was attracted to all of them in a way I hadn’t been attracted to anyone since Harris walked out on me. I knew it had the potential to be something wonderful. I didn’t know if I had enough courage left to pursue it. What I did know was I did not have enough courage left to survive trying it and it all falling apart. That would break me on top of everything else I was trying to deal with, and that terrified me.
CHAPTER 20
EVIE
I tiptoed down the stairs, trying hard to stay silent so I wouldn’t wake anyone. I had learned in my time at the house that the guys were all incredibly light sleepers – a left over side effect of their military careers – Kailan had told me. I also knew they all had issues sleeping so I worked hard not to disturb them.
I should have stayed in my room, but I couldn’t. I’d barely slept a wink between my nightmares, anxiety over Soloman, and over what the guys had declared to me two nights before. Sleep was impossible and I knew if I laid in my room any longer I was just going to start going over what the guys had told me, which was also something I was avoiding dealing with right now.
Instead, for the last two days I had thrown myself into helping Aleks work out the identity of Soloman. Between going through the personnel images his tattoo search had generated, I had also been watching traffic cam footage in and around Boston on the day I was taken for any sign of the car I had seen the day Soloman took me from the grocery store. The closest traffic cams were a good distance from the back road I was dumped on, so hadn’t picked anything up that we could see. It was disappointing, but I wasn’t ready to give up. I was sure one camera, in or around the city, must have caught something, and had asked Aleks to give me all of the footage he could for that afternoon that I was left in the woods.
Kayla had pick Zack up the previous day, the whole time swearing and cursing at Nick because he’d had a little chat with her in private as soon as she arrived. He told her she wasn’t getting any more money. She’d been irate, screaming and yelling so much she made Zack cry in fear. She’d called me a few choice names in the madness too, apparently convinced I was sleeping with all four guys. I’d kept my mouth shut and stayed out of it, but she wasn’t too far off base, was she? There was a chance I could end up sleeping with all four of them.
That didn’t bother me. If I loved them, what was wrong with that? But it had gotten me to thinking about the abuse I had seen my brothers and Livy take over the years because of their relationship. People would say things to them in the street if Livy kissed or showed affection to more than one of the guys. There were parents at the kids schools who wouldn’t allow their child to play at Livy’s house. Even when they adopted Leo, they had faced so much scrutiny from child services because they were in a polyamorous relationship.
Maybe before Soloman took me I’d have been strong enough to face all of that, but I wasn’t so sure I was strong enough anymore. Not to mention it could impact my career. I wondered too, how the guys would cope with such scrutiny if we were to make it work between us. They had issues of their own after what they had survived. Could they face people openly giving us abuse and judgement?
Instead of talking to them or voicing my concerns I had pushed it all down deep and instead focused on finding Soloman.
I moved over to the dining table and flicked on the wall lights to keep it dimly lit. Aleks had left his laptop there when we all headed to bed and I was determined to continue searching the latest results from the personnel search he’d been running for days.
It turned out that once Aleks sharpened up the tattoos I had drawn with some software, we got back a lot of hits on possible matches. Now I was scanning through each file to the picture of each man to study his eyes, looking for that motherfucker.
I opened the laptop to start it up, then moved to the kitchen to grab a can of Diet Coke from the refrigerator. I would rather have made coffee but it would make too much noise. I needed something to keep me awake. I had barely slept in the last two days, the anxiety of each file I opened actually being Soloman, making my nightmares even more intense each time I closed my eyes.
I covered the top of the can with the sweater I had pulled on so I could muffle the sound of me opening it, then I moved over to the laptop, taking a huge drink before I sat down.
“I’m gonna find you, you bastard,” I whispered as I opened the file Aleks had shown me earlier with the new search saved within.
I opened the first file, flicking to the image I needed, holding my breath as the page loaded. It was a grueling job, since every time I got to an image I held my breath, both desperate for the image that loaded to be the monster so we could identify him, and terrified it would be and I’d see those evil eyes again, staring right at me.
I took a breath of relief when blue, almost smiling eyes loaded up and looked right at me, then held it again as I loaded the next file. There were hundreds to look through, so I knew it would be a long night, but I just prayed each file I worked through was getting us one step closer to finding the fucker.
***
Three hours later I was barely half way through and I could hardly keep my eyes open. I’d already headbutted the keyboard twice, having nodded off so deeply. The caffeine in the soda wasn’t working, likely because I was just that tired.
I couldn’t fight it anymore. I needed to sleep. I shut the laptop and threw away my can in the trash, then reluctantly started up the stairs. I just hoped I was so exhausted I’d sleep too deeply for nightmares.
I was almost to my room when I heard someone cry out like they were in pain. I froze in the hall and listened closely. The noise was coming from Kailan’s room. He was moaning now, and I moved towards the door, worried he had hurt himself somehow.
I considered knocking, but when Kailan cried out, followed by a dull thump sound, my worry had me opening the door and peering around it hurriedly.
Inside the room was dark and I could hardly make out a thing. I hadn’t actually been in there before either, so I had no idea where the furniture was, but I could just make out the bed in the center, against the back wall.
“Kailan?” I whispered as I took a step inside. When he didn’t reply I moved further into the room, just wanting to get closer to the bed to check he was okay. The guys had all told me they had dealt with nightmares in the past, so I was guessing that was what was happening. I was a few feet from the bed when from absolutely nowhere strong arms wrapped around me violently, one around my neck and the other around my middle, completely incapacitating me before I even knew what was going on.
