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And I’ve never felt emptier.
“Rarity?” Uncle Luca asks, bringing me a glass of water as I stare at the flames in the fireplace.
I came home a few hours ago, stronger than I’ve felt since meeting Cailian, fed, yet instead of happiness, loneliness hits me hard. I’ve learned I have another beloved, one who didn’t seem too happy to see me there, and who wanted Cailian all to himself.
I’m not jealous. I’m not upset.
I’m resigned because once again, I am an outsider.
To my family. To my mates.
I take the glass from Luca, the water instantly freezing from the touch of my hand. Frustration hits me, anger, confusion, and with all my vampiric strength, I throw the glass into the roaring fire. The fire flashes before dimming from the ice, the wood sizzling, and smoke rises, mimicking my emotions.
“I can’t fucking touch anything without it freezing!” I shout, tears prickling my eyes from how I can’t seem to control the freak of nature I am.
“Rarity,” Uncle Luca whispers, taking a step forward, and then reaches out to touch me. “You are not a freak. How can you say that?”
“How?” I sneer, turning around so fast, I grab his hand before he can reach me. “This is how.” His skin begins to freeze, the icy path spreading down his forearm. He lets out a breath and it’s cold, frozen, a forgetting cloud dissipating just as another takes its place.
I let go before I can cause real damage. “That’s how. How do I even know if I’m related to any of you? How do we know I’m Severide’s? What if mother stepped out and fucked some other vampire? They weren’t beloveds. She could have.”
Before I can say another word, my father, Severide, is standing in front of me, eyes crimson with rage. He grabs me by the arms and blurs us outside, past the lake, into the forest, until we are at Shallow Cove, the portal that changed everything for all paranormal creatures.
“I can’t believe you’d speak that way about your mother, my mate, my everything. She sacrificed her life for you, for us, to live, to be safe, and this is how you repay her?” He points at the Cove, the water reflecting our distraught images. “She died here. Right here, Rarity. I watched her get ripped apart holding onto you and you dare say she isn’t your mother.”
“Like you have room to talk? She died for you too. All you do is mope. All you do is stay with Atreyu in the catacombs. Is that how you are going to repay her? Wasting away your life?” I sneer, finally able to throw guilt his way.
“I have struggled,” he admits, taking a seat on the ground, staring into the abyss of onyx water that seems to have an endless depth. “The pain of losing a mate is unlike any agonyI’ve ever felt. I’ve been so lost in my grief that I’ve forgotten how to be a father to you, to Alexander, to Atreyu. I failed the twins and that’s why we will lose Atreyu when the time comes.” He swallows, eyes swimming with our rare tears. “I haven’t prepared you for the world.” His fingers run through his ragged beard before rubbing over his tired eyes. The blood he was forced to have has barely worked from what I can tell. “How can you be ready for the life ahead of you, your beloved, when I haven’t taught you anything.”
I take a seat next to him at the edge of the Cove, trailing my fingers over the surface. “I’m sorry,” I croak in a whisper. Every spot I touch on the water ices over. “I’m so sorry for being such a bitch.” I wipe my cheeks with one hand and swirl the water with my other, a whirlpool of ice forming.
“Don’t call yourself that.”
“It’s true.” I turn to him. “I’m letting everything I don’t know upset me. I’m even more upset with myself because…” I hiccup, hoping Cailian doesn’t hate me. “I forced a partial mating on Cailian. I couldn’t control myself. He wanted me to feed because I hadn’t. He wanted to take care of me.”
“That’s good, Rarity. It’s good of him to notice you needed sustenance.”
“He just…” My mouth waters from the memory, my taste buds dancing in impatience, wanting more of his elixir. “He tasted so good, and I lost control. I shoved my palm into his mouth and made him ingest my blood.”
My father smirks. “Truly, I don’t think he minds, Rarity. Cailian has always shown his willingness to be a good beloved to you. I’m sure that made his soul very happy.”
“Yeah, well, my news doesn’t end there,” I mumble.
A frog jumps onto a rock at my feet, croaking loudly into the night. His chin expands with every sound. Crickets begin to sing and fireflies glow, flashing their bodies in the dark. This placeis so beautiful and for the first time, I don’t feel like this is my home.
He wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I sink into my father’s side, placing my head on his shoulder. “Take your time, Sweetheart. It’s okay.”
The words grip my throat. I’m trying to speak them, to admit them, but when I open my mouth, silence follows. I know why too because when I think about the dragon being my beloved, I see him look at me with such rage, such despair, and how much he hates me.
And fuck, it hurts so much.
My father runs his fingers through my hair, giving me all the time I need. “You know,” he begins wistfully. “When I met your mother, Esmeralda stole my heart and soul from the moment I saw her. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her beauty was more than a thousand sunflower fields. And you know, I don’t know if I’ve told you because talking about Esmeralda hurts me so much, but I think I need to be better at it. Anyway, I was there for her sister, originally.”
I turn to him, shocked, and I can’t help the laugh that escapes me because he has never told me that before. He is still in love with my mother and thinking of him with anyone else doesn’t make sense. “What? Her sister? I didn’t even know she had a sister.”
“Because she was a raging bitch,” he spits.
“Father!”
