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“I know and I try, but sometimes I just can’t. It’s driving me crazy.”
“I understand, but you know it’s the PTSD coming forward. Maybe you need to get in with that therapist again for a couple of sessions, just to talk things through before things get out of control. I’ve been there. I know, and I know, how dangerous it is to allow it to take over. They can help.”
My cousin was right. I went through this every year. He was also right about needing to see the therapist again. If this got out of control again, I’d go back down the same spiral.
“Jackson, I can tell you’re bothered. What do you think the words in the dream meant? You think it’s about Bailey, don’t you?”
I looked at my cousin. “Of course it is. What else would it be about? He asked me to take care of her, Cameron, and what did I do? Instead of talking to her, instead of trying to work on things like she pleaded with me to do, I let our relationship fall apart.”
“Jackson, you were not the only one responsible for what happened between the two of you. Come on now. You both suffered a tragic loss. She lost her brother, and you blamed yourself for that. It was the stress of it all that caused your relationship to crumble. You’ve said it yourself. She refused to get help. She refused to let things go. You were the same, certain that everything was okay when, in fact, it wasn’t. You were both holding onto a lot of guilt and anger.”
“I know. I just feel that, perhaps when the trouble started in our relationship, I could have fought harder. I could have tried to save us.”
Cameron looked at me, concern lining his face. He sat forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “Jackson, where is all this coming from?”
“What do you mean?”
“All this, about your relationship with Bailey? Why are you suddenly beating yourself up over something that happened almost five years ago? You can’t tell me this is all because of a dream you had. What gives?”
“I don’t know. I just, if you had seen his face in that dream.”
“Man, it was a dream. Come on.”
“I know it was a dream. I just feel that the dream was trying to tell me something.”
“It’s telling you that you really need to forgive yourself for what happened. Call that therapist. Don’t allow this to torture you the way you did for so long. I’m serious man, this shit is serious.”
I looked down at the empty beach. “Perhaps you’re right.”
“I know I am. You know what else I am?”
“What?”
“I’m hungry. Let’s go get something to eat.” Cameron chuckled as he crushed the empty water bottle in his hands and stood up.
* * *
We’d devoured two grand slams at the small cafe, and then, with our stomachs full, we pulled out of the parking lot of the cafe. We drove a couple of blocks before we came to a red light. Cameron turned up a song that was playing on the radio, and I glanced around at the shoppers on the street. My heart sped up, and I had to do a double take when outside of the bridal shop on the corner I saw Cara…and Bailey.
“Ho-leeee shit,” Cameron mumbled.
“What?” I asked, trying to pretend that he hadn’t seen the same thing I just had. More like hoped he hadn’t.
“Is that...who I think it is?” Cameron questioned; his voice lined with shock as he stared out the window. “It is. It’s not a wonder why you’re all fucked up. Bailey’s back in Sunset Cove?”
There was no way I was going to keep the fact to myself that I too, saw her. I closed my eyes and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right, that was her.”
“Did you know she was back in town?”
“Yeah. I ran into her last night at The Crooked Judge.” The look in her eyes flashed in my head as I thought back to last night. She’d barely said a word to me, yet that look had said so much!
“When did she get back?”
“I don’t know. It was recent because Cara asked her to be her maid of honor. I wasn’t sure if she had been kidding or not when she told me Bailey agreed. Honestly, I thought she’d back out when she found out I was best man, but I guess I was wrong.”
As the words passed my lips, it was then I realized that she probably hadn’t known that I was the best man. If she had known, I knew for a fact that she would have backed out of it.
“Well, when you ran into her, how was she?” he questioned as he sped up the car and proceeded through the light on the way back to my house.
