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“What were you dreaming about the other night?” she questioned, her voice weak.
I knew exactly what I had been dreaming about. I’d felt her touch me when she took the time to comfort me until I fell back asleep. It was the same dream I’d had before. We were alone in that dark alley. Connor lay dead before me. Everyone had disappeared, and then he sat up and blamed me for our breakup.
“It was nothing,” I lied.
She was quiet for another minute before letting out a loud sigh. “I see nothing has changed. Still not going to be truthful with me, are you?” She stood up from where she’d been sitting. “It’s been five years, and you still can’t tell me the truth about those dreams.”
I jumped up from where I was sitting. “Bailey, what is that supposed to mean? I’ve always been honest with you. “
She had just reached for her freshly washed sweatshirt that hung on the hook beside the door, her hand resting on the fabric. She said nothing for a moment or two, and then slowly turned to me. “You still can’t tell me you dream of him. You had nightmares almost every single night after it happened. Yet you would never talk to me. You want things to be different, you want us back together, you need to talk to me,” she said, stepping closer and jabbing her finger roughly into my chest.
“What do you want me to tell you? That you ripped my heart out when you blamed me for his death? Do you want to know that I’m haunted by what happened and have been for the past five years? Do you need to know that every year the dreams run rampant for weeks, sometimes months, and that there is little I can do to stop them?”
Bailey looked at me with tears lining her eyes. “Jackson, I just want you to talk to me. That’s all I ever wanted. I do not know why you felt you couldn’t. I know in your head you probably felt the need to protect me, even if it meant you suffered.”
“Yes, I felt the need to protect you. To protect you from the horrifying events I saw that night. I promised him I’d look after you and keep you safe and knowing that I did a shitty job of that makes me fucking sick inside.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did, Bailey. I blew it with you. I didn’t do as I promised.”
“You are wrong. The only way you blew it was by not talking to me. You don’t deserve to suffer alone.” She pulled the sweatshirt down off the hook and turned to look at me. “You want things to be back to the way they were? You need to share with me how you feel. Stop worrying about me, stop trying to protect me, and let me help you carry whatever it is you are feeling and dealing with.”
She studied my eyes and stood there waiting with tears running down her face for me to answer her, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t burden her with my guilt. So instead of opening up to her, I shook my head. “I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t? There is a difference,” she demanded, standing there with her hand on her hip. “Look, what happened, happened to both of us, Jackson.”
“No, it didn’t. You lost a brother.”
“So did you. All I ever wanted from you was for you to open up and share with me how you felt. I wanted you to share what you were going through, but you pretended to be okay when you were with me when, in fact, you were blaming yourself inside. Sure, I didn’t make it any better, and I know that, but I felt very jilted when you couldn’t talk to me but you’d go sit and talk to some therapist, a stranger, in a cold office.”
I looked at her. I could tell she wasn’t just saying that, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling of blame I felt either. “I know that was all you wanted,” I whispered, still not fully prepared to share with her the memories of the dreams that had been haunting me all this time.
“Then talk to me,” she pleaded as she walked up to me and wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my chest. I placed my arms around her, holding her close to me. “I miss him, Jackson,” she murmured, her face pressed into my shirt. “I miss him so much.”
I pulled her tighter against me and closed my eyes as I rested my chin on the top of her head. “Me too,” I whispered, kissing the top of her head. “So much.”
“Were you dreaming of him?”
I closed my eyes and was silent; the dreams haunting my thoughts again. No matter how badly I wanted to tell her, those dreams paralyzed me. I couldn’t open up to her. She didn’t press me. Instead, she gave me a few minutes and when I didn’t answer her she slipped out from my grasp. She didn’t look back, she pulled the door open and walked out the front door without looking back at me, just as she had five years ago.
Bailey
I was so happy that the lunch rush was over. I cleared and washed the last few tables a few minutes ago and now stood behind the counter finishing stacking the clean glasses behind the bar. It had been busier than normal, and we had a bit of time to get the place ready for dinner and the rest of the night. I had just finished washing down the bar when the door opened. I looked up to see Cara walk in, waving at me as she climbed up on a stool.
“Hey, what brings you here?” I asked, smiling.
“I got off work early and saw your car out front and thought I would pop in and see you. I didn’t think you were working until later tonight.”
“I wasn’t supposed to. One girl called in sick, and since I called in yesterday, I figured I’d take the shift. I could use the money.”
“How are you doing?” Cara asked, giving me a concerned look.
I shrugged. It had been five years since my brother’s death, and this was the first year since that I had been back in Sunset Cove. How did she think I was? “All right, I guess.”
“Are you guys going to the police memorial dinner tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. Mom wants me to take her.”
