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"Some boys at school were talking."
"I see. Is it the same boy you told me about, the one bullying you?" I demanded, thinking back to the other night before the boys left to visit their aunt. Only neither of them said a word.
"We want to know why you lied to us," Dylan demanded. "You always told us not to lie to you."
I blew out a breath. I hadn't lied. I just hadn't told the whole truth, but I also couldn't tell them that because I'd just gotten angry at both the boys for that very thing. Letting out a sigh, I ushered both boys into my bedroom and had them sit down.
"Listen, I went out with Zach for dinner. Yes. I told you I was going out with a friend because I was afraid you both weren't ready to hear about me going out with another man."
"Meh, don't bother me any," Noah said, hopping off the bed. "Have fun, Mom." He took off toward his room.
That had gone way better than I expected. However, he was only seven. I couldn't imagine that he'd understand fully. However, when I turned back around, Dylan sat there, his head down.
"What's up, sweetie?" I questioned.
He shrugged but said nothing.
I watched as he reached over and grabbed the wedding photo that I I kept on my bedside table. He picked it up and looked at it, running his little fingers over Lucas's face.
I slowed my unpacking and watched him, concern filling me. "Dylan, you know you can talk to me if something is bothering you."
He let out a sigh and looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "I don't understand. Do you not love Dad anymore?"
My stomach sank at his words.It didn’t hit me until just then that for the first time in my life I’d slept with another man, not that the boys needed to know this. I swallowed hard, trying to wipe the memory of this past weekend from my mind as I watched Dylan sitting there holding our photo.
"Dylan..."
"You don't do you? Now that he is gone, you’re just trying to replace him."
"Dylan, you know that isn't true."
"I don’t, Mom."
"Dylan, I am not looking to replace him. I spent many years with your father, and I loved him very much, and still love him deeply. I don't expect you to understand how hard this has been on me. I also don't expect you to understand that eventually I have to move on with my life."
"You're right, I don't understand."
"I hope you never have to understand this. I can promise you I am not trying to replace him. Zach and I… well, we are just friends."
As the words fell from my lips, I realized I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted from him. I liked how he’d made me feel in more ways than one. I’d loved everything about the other night, how I felt in his arms, how he made me feel while rocking my world.
Dylan shook his head. "That isn't what Johnny said. He said the same thing happened with his mom when his dad left, and soon he had a new dad, whether he wanted one or not. He said the same thing was going to happen to us."
I got up from the edge of the bed and went out into the hall and called Noah back into the room. Once they were both sitting on the edge of my bed, I stood in front of them, pacing back and forth for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out how to explain things to them in a way they’d understand.
"Listen, I promise you both I still love your father, and I will always love your father. I also promise you I am not and will not try to replace him. I went out with Zach for dinner as a friend. He needs someone, as he lost his wife as well. They divorced. We had a great time, and we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend. In fact, far from it,” I said, swallowing hard and denying myself the fact that I’d love it if he were in my life as something more.
“We are simply two people who enjoy one another’s company, and we are there for one another if the other needs to talk."
"So, you aren't trying to replace Dad?" Dylan questioned.
I shook my head. "Never could. He and I shared a lot of special moments together. He gave me a wonderful life. Plus, he gave me both of you," I said, kissing each one of them on the cheek, trying hard to reassure them that things were fine. "Now, I think it's time that we all unpack a couple more boxes and then we head on out for some ice-cream. What do you say?"
"I want chocolate!" Noah screamed. "Two scoops."
I laughed. "Alright, I left two boxes for each of you in the hallway with your name on it. Go get them, unpack them, and let’s get going."
The boys each took off out to the hall and grabbed their boxes, while I turned back to the one I'd been working on. My stomach flipped when I looked down to see my phone lighting up Zach’s name on the screen. My heart sank at the decision we’d made. Instead of looking at the message, I ignored it.
