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"Can we look at this one?" he asked, pointing to the white one.
"Hmmm, I don't think so, sweetie,"I said, grabbing it, planning to tuck it high into a cupboard.
"Come on, Mom. Please."
I turned around and looked at him. His eyes were so full of sadness and questions that I didn’t have the heart to say no. "Okay," I answered, placing the book down on the table. “Make sure your hands are clean.”
I took their glasses of soda and moved them to another table, then opened the book. Then I made my way back over to the box I’d been unpacking. I wasn’t sure I could look at the album. It had been so long.
"Aren't you going to look at it with us, Mom?" Noah asked.
"Boys, I have lots to unpack,” I said, my voice cracking.
"Just take a few minutes, please."
I closed my eyes and composed myself, then turned around, smiled, and walked over to stand between them as they flipped to the next page in the book. In a matter of seconds, I was transported back to the day of our wedding, and soon my eyes blurred with tears as I stared down at our photos.
“You looked so pretty. Did Dad think so?”
I smiled. “He did. He said the second he saw me, I took his breath away,” I said, thinking back to that day. That was one of the things I could remember.
“You tried to strangle him?” Noah questioned.
I couldn’t help but laugh at his smile. “No, it’s just a saying.”
The boys continued flipping pages, asking me questions. The more they asked, the harder it became. I’d never been so happy when they finally came to the last page of the album. I grabbed the books and neatly stacked them.
“Awww, Mom, can’t we look at it again?” Noah questioned.
I shook my head. "Why don't you guys go do your homework while I get dinner ready?"
"Ahhh, Mom," Dylan moaned.
"Come on. Go on."
They both got up, grabbed their bags while I took the albums and shoved them into the back of one of cupboards in the living room. They stomped up the stairs, grumbling as they went.
Once I was alone, I turned back and looked at the cupboard I'd shoved those albums in. I quietly went over and opened it up, reaching in for our wedding album. I ran my hand over the cover and sat down, slowly opening it. With each turn of every page, I grew more and more upset, and soon I was sitting there with tears streaming down my face. I quickly wiped at the tears and continued flipping through the pages.
My chest was heavy and my heart hurt. After looking at these pictures, I realized there was no way I was ready to be involved with anyone yet. This album, the memories floating around, and the lack of them proved it.
I took the album and shoved it back into the cupboard. I grabbed a tissue, blew my nose, and wiped the tears from my cheeks. Now I needed to figure out how to break it to Zach.
I picked up my phone and quickly texted Zach, letting him know that we'd have to cancel our plans for Sunday. There was no reason attached. It was a simple we can’t make it. Before I put my phone down, I turned the volume all the way down and placed my phone in my purse, hoping the old out of sigh out of mind would erase him from my mind for a while. Then I got up and went to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
* * *
We were all in the living room in our pajamas watching a show about sharks when Dylan rolled over and looked at me. "Mom, you said you had a surprise for us on Sunday. What is it?"
Instantly, my stomach sank. I'd forgotten I’d told them I had a surprise outing planned for Sunday. Now that I’d cancelled plans with Zach, I had nothing planned, but I had two boys who were looking forward to doing something.
"Yeah, Mom, you said we'd love the surprise," Noah said, sitting up on his knees, looking my way.“Can we know what it is now?”
"Yeah, about that..." I muttered, not sure how to go about telling them the plans had been canceled. I tried coming up with something to take them to on the fly, only my mind came up blank. The fall fair wasn't until the weekend after next, and anything fun, like mini putt or bowling, we'd have to go into Cedar Landing to do.
"Come on, Mom, tell us," Dylan said, sitting up and turning his full attention to me, even though the show he'd been wanting to watch was back on.
I was just about to explain to them I'd cancelled when a knock came at the door. I frowned and looked at each of them. It was odd that someone would knock at this time of night.
