Page 54 of Scars on my Heart


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When the girls offered her nail decals, she looked up at me, waiting to see what I'd say. I simply nodded. She looked over the choices and pointed at a butterfly.

“That’s pretty,” I said, looking at her choice.

“It’s for my mom. Do you think she would like it?”

She looked up at me with this look that almost gutted me. The same look I’d seen on Noah and Dylan’s faces so many times. I nodded. “I didn’t know your mom, but I think it’s perfect.”

“Me too.” She smiled.

We waited patiently for the girl to put two of them on her nails. Then she looked down at her hands and smiled.

"Iris, look at how pretty my fingers are."

I smiled. "Yes, they are beautiful! I love the butterflies. They really were the perfect choice."

"What ones did you get?"

I shook my head and showed her my nails. She looked up at me with confusion. "You need a decal, too."

She tapped the lady who'd been doing her nails on the shoulder and whispered for her to get the decals again. The lady did as she asked and set them in front of her. She went over the pages of them, finally clapping her hands together. "That's it!"

I looked down to see what she had pointed to and smiled.

"Do you like them?" she questioned.

"I do," I said, tapping the sheet.

The lady carefully applied the tiny book decals to my nails, and then I held them out for Grace to see.

"It's perfect!" she said.“So you.”

Once I had settled the bill and got Grace settled into the car, I walked around to the driver’s side and climbed in. I'd just placed my purse beneath her feet and went to put the key in the ignition when I felt her hand touch my shoulder.

"Yes." I glanced up and over at Grace to see she had tears in her eyes.

"Oh, my dear, what is it?" I questioned, stopping what I was doing and giving her my undivided attention.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't very fair to you."

"Oh, honey. It's okay."

She sniffled and shook her head. "No, I was mean for no reason. I thought you were trying to replace my mom."

I reached around and hugged her as best as I could, thinking about what to say to her.

"That was never my plan. It’s not my plan now either."

“I know that now,” she whispered.

“You know what?”

"What?"

"Sometimes, when we are in a place of pain, we say and do things we wouldn't normally do. I've been there. Your dad has been there. We understand. I'm sure you didn't mean the things you said. I think you were just maybe...sad. Just like you were when your mom passed away, and like Dylan and Noah were when they lost their father, but I know there is a wonderful heart inside of you just waiting to shine, and with a little time, maybe some patience, and maybe some attention, it will be shining in no time. I also know that Dylan and Noah like you very much, as do I."

"You do?"

The look on her face was one of surprise, and it scared me to think that a child could hold on to feelings like that.

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