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His surprised voice fills my eyes with tears, and this time there’s no pride to keep them from falling. They cascade down my cheeks like water in a waterfall, continuously and with a force that leaves me breathless.
“Gael?” He tries again, and at the same time tries to put some distance between us, but I don’t want to let go, so I hide my face in his chest.
When his arms go around me and pull me closer, with a gentleness I’ve only ever witnessed in Cameron, the dam I’d built to contain whatever Cameron and I had breaks, and I’m submerged by the memories we made. They come as fast as the water arrives in the city, and I’m jolted from one side to the other, until my already broken body is battered and without strength.
And once the dam is broken, the words spill out as fast as a tsunami, pouring onto a stunned Cameron.
“I didn’t want to leave you. You were everything to me. My sun, my moon, and everything around them. I had to, because I couldn’t live with my dad.”
“Gael, please calm down. Everything’s okay.”
I hear Cameron’s voice coming from far away, covered by a deafening sound that at first I don’t recognise, until his hands rest on my face, making me open my eyes. Only then my brain registers that they’re my sobs, coming from deep inside me and filling the room with heartbreaking shrieks.
I take in his eyes, full of tears. They’re spilling over and running down his cheeks, and that makes me pause, and the sounds stop. I raise a trembling hand and try to dry his tears because I don’t want to see him crying. Knowing him, he must have cried plenty when I left, and I never want him to do it again.
“Stop crying,” I say to him.
His lips curve in a half-smile before he speaks. “Only if you stop first.”
I nod, because I’ve been ready to stop crying since I moved away without him. And now there are so many things I want to do that I don’t deserve to be doing with him, but none of them are crying.
My hunger for him, to be inside him, is now forgotten, overruled by the need to be close to him, to let him keep me safe, to let him love me the way only Cameron can.
“Would you like some breakfast?”
And there it is. Cameron’s need to take care, to make sure others are okay.
I shake my head against his chest. I don’t want to move, not now that I’ve stopped trembling, not now that I’ve stopped crying, and not now that I’ve got him here with me.
Just Cameron and Gael. Just like we used to be.
Could a wish reach Santa for Christmas, and gift me a second chance with Cameron?
I press my face more against his thin chest and inhale deeply, looking for his familiar scent that’ll help me settle. A mix of vanilla and man fills my nostrils, and a sense of home, of joy, and of peace falls over me like a blanket. I exhale, letting the regret of my choices leave my body as though it’s carbon monoxide, and feeling as if I’d never left. As if my wish has been granted and nothing can tear us apart.
This time, I’m not letting go. This time, I’m where I want to stay.
I tighten the grip my arms have around him and I’m filled with joy when he does the same. Then, with a sigh full of contentment, he relaxes against me.
If it’s a dream, I don’t want to wake up. Instead, I want to stay like this forever.
A darkness I no longer fear engulfs me, because Cameron’s heartbeat is like a lullaby, filling the darkness with beautiful stars.
Chapter Eleven
Cameron
I wake up again with Gael’s breath fanning over me. A joy I forgot existed fills me to the brim, and I close my eyes tight, ever so tight, hoping this is reality. A reality I’ve dreamt of since I met him in school. A reality I knew we could never have when he disappeared on me.
Am I getting ahead of myself?
Like I always do when Gael is involved? Should I hold my horses until I can really trust him? Until I’m sure he’s here because he wants to stay and not because he needs a place, any place, to stay? A place where he can recover, get better, and get on his feet. A place that he can leave without too much trouble as he did before.
Should I even think about second chances when I can’t trust him?
Can’t or won’t?
The question reverberates inside my head like it’s a valley, and the echoes are amplified until I want to put my hands over my ears to stop it. But I don’t want to move, not a single inch away from Gael. Because if this is a dream, he’ll disappear as soon as I wake up.
