AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Let’s start again,” he says, his tone coming out as more of a question than a statement. However, the sound of a chair being pulled near the bed makes me feel like there’s no time to make a choice.
I let my body relax against the bed and try to look at him as best as I can with my eyes the way they are. He’s a blurry figure in my greyish vision, so I have no more information than I did when he was near the door.
“How are you feeling?”
I raise my shoulder, but regret the move as soon as my body screams at me for the rude treatment.
“You may want to avoid that. Your body’s not up for any sudden movements.” His voice sounds thick now, as if he’s battling with unshed tears. I wish I could see him right now.
The vibes I have from him are so similar to Cameron that they’re driving me crazy with longing. And filling me with even more regret.
“What’s your name?”
“Cameron . . .” His voice gets quieter, and uncertain, as if he’s expecting something from me.
I don’t understand at first because there’s more than one Cameron in the world. I hope I’m not that unlucky, to have my ex-boyfriend save me from certain death. Especially since I can’t have him see me like this.
But as soon as the thought enters my head, that this guy sitting in front of me could be Cameron—my Cammy—I have the urgent need to make sure he’s not the same man I’m missing like crazy. But while I think, my mouth takes over and the words are out before my fear can stop them.
“Cameron, what?” I want his surname to be something different from Jones, but at the same time I want him to be my Cammy.
“I’m Cammy, Gael.” The words coming from his mouth are shaky and strained. As if he’s unsure of what will happen.
For me, it’s like he’s turned the shower on with the tap all the way to cold.
“Go away,” I say to him.
“Gael?” There are so many questions behind him saying my name.
Questions I’m not ready to answer. What am I saying? Questions I’m not ready to face right now. Probably never. I need to be alone right now.
“I don’t want you here,” I repeat. I hear the doubt in my voice, giving away how much I want him to stay, but I’m too afraid to be judged by him. Maybe judged by me. However, I’m not ready to be in his presence. I’m not ready for him to be here in front of me. I’m not ready for him to see how broken I am.
I turn my head to the other side, cutting him off, but I can’t stop the guilt from building to fill me up.
I listen to the sounds of a chair being dragged, echoing inside the too-silent room. Then I listen to the sound of his steps getting farther away as he walks towards the door. And then the soft click of the door closing behind him, marking the last time I’ll probably ever see him.
During all this, I want to call him back. I want to stop him from walking away, but the shame I experience at the thought of what I did, at the thought of leaving him behind, at the thought of not being enough, of not making it, of being here like this—it’s too powerful to overcome.
So . . . I let him go, while hoping he’ll come back. While hoping he’ll fight for me.
I clench my teeth together to avoid calling him back, while my soul screams for him.
I’m dirty, I’m nothing, and I’m ashamed, but I still want him to stay. I want him not to listen to me and stay.
Please fight for me.
But it’s too late . . .
Chapter Five
Cameron
I’m still in a daze. Even if it’s already been a day since Gael sent me away.
I still can’t believe he asked me to leave. He knows who I am now, and he still asked me to go.
I’m sad and upset. I’m not sure which emotion is winning right now.
