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F O R T Y T W O
- Quinn -
I had my head in my hands when Maddy finally got home, and it’s a wonder I had any hair left at all. I looked up in time to see her closing the door quietly, a trick she’d perfected in the last two weeks, but as soon as she looked across the kitchen and saw me on the couch, she winced at being caught.
I forced myself not to read into it so I wouldn’t lose my nerve.
“Hey,” she said, clicking the deadbolt into place.
“Hey.” I stood and shoved my hands in the pockets of my sweatpants before pulling them out again, loathing how it felt to feel uncomfortable around her and wishing I could turn back time. I missed the days when I would’ve pulled close as soon as she came through the door and peppered her light freckles with kisses until she stopped me with her lips. “Did you have a nice night?” I don’t know why I asked that when there was no answer I’d be happy to hear.
“It was fine, thanks.” Her glassy eyes looked me up and down. “You stayed in, I take it?”
“I wanted to be here when you got home,” I said, my chest tightening as she took a few steps forward and set her purse on the counter.
“You shouldn’t have waited up for me.”
“I miss you,” I blurted. “I can’t stand this anymore.”
She scoffed and then swayed.
I wondered how many pitchers she’d knocked back with that guy. Had he kissed her good night? Had she wanted him to? “I owe you an apology.”
She folded her arms over her blue scoop neck shirt and leaned a hip against the counter.
“I was an asshole.”
Her eyes probed mine. “I forgive you,” she said finally. Then she grabbed her purse and headed towards her room. “Goodnight.”
“Wait—”
She stopped in her tracks and turned towards me, her face framed by short wisps of brown hair that had curled in the humid evening air. “What is it, Quinn? Is this about your conscience? Feeling bad that you jerked me around and want to make amends before James gets home? Fine. We’re cool. You’re off the hook.”
“Maddy.” I was by her side in two long strides. “My feelings for you have nothing to do with your brother.”
“What do you want from me?” she asked, her tone laced with hurt. “I already gave you everything, and it wasn’t enough.”
“It was, though.” I stepped up to her, and she averted her gaze, studying the coffee table instead of meeting my eye. “Maddy, look at me.” She was slow to oblige, but when she did, I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. Her brown eyes were full of frustration, but there were other emotions tangled in them, too, emotions that made me believe I could salvage this. “It was enough. What you gave me…it was more than I ever dreamed of, more than I knew what to do with.”
“I don’t even know what that means,” she said. “All I know is you told me you wanted me to see other people.”
“That was a lie.”
“Wow. I wouldn’t have pegged you as the jealous type, but I guess it’s nice to know you’re capable of feeling something.”
My heart sank like a lead balloon. “I deserve that.”
“You’re not a bad guy, Quinn, and I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you, but when someone tells you they don’t like themselves with you—”
“That was a lie, too,” I said, squaring up to her. “And you have nothing to apologize for.”
“If it was a lie, why say it?! Just to be mean? To make me feel insignificant?” Her voice was getting louder but I knew better than to tell her to calm down.
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
“I thought we were happy,” she said, her voice cracking. “And then you pulled the rug out from under me.”
Seeing her upset made me feel sick. “I know… And it’s not that we weren’t happy.”
