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“Whoa whoa whoa.” I raised my hand. “I had no idea you were such an expert. Please enlighten me.”
“What do you want to know?”
“What is it that guys pretend they want?”
She pursed her lips. “Well, I guess a lot of them- or at least the ones I’ve met recently- pretend they want someone to snuggle and play house with, someone they can commit to and build a future with.”
I nodded slowly. “Okay, and what is it that they actually want?”
She looked around and then fixed her eyes on me. “Blow jobs.”
Her comment took me by surprise so much that I almost choked on my ice cream. When I finally stopped coughing, my eyes were watering, and I wiped them with the back of my hand. “I see.”
Lucy cocked her head. “Do you disagree?”
I parted my lips to speak-
“You don’t have to answer that. I already know where you stand on this.”
I raised my eyebrows. “What?! What are you talking about? Where do I stand?”
She broke a bite off her cone and covered her mouth while she spoke. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but a woman’s ability to give a good blow job has probably been your number one dating criteria for the last- I don’t know- five years? Maybe longer?”
I shook my head. “That is not true.”
She squinted at me. “No?”
I clenched my jaw.
“What else are you looking for then?”
“Someone I can have an intelligent conversation with, someone who makes me laugh.”
“But you’d settle for someone who gave good blow jobs.”
“No I wouldn’t.”
“So if we continued doing whatever this is-” she pointed back and forth between us. “But I couldn’t give a blow job to save my life-”
“Anyone could give a blowjob to save their life. Haven’t you seen those prison documentaries?”
She rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Aiden, maybe I really suck at giving blow jobs?”
“I hope you do and hard while you’re at it.”
“Come on, I’m trying to have a serious conversation about blow jobs here.”
“And I’m seriously interested.”
“I guess I just don’t really understand what you see in me when your last few girlfriends were complete twigs who ate nothing but dick.”
“Wow. You liked ‘em all that much, huh?”
She shrugged. “I mean, they weren’t that bad. I don’t mean to be unfair. I’m sure they had nice qualities that I failed to recognize, but I don’t have anything in common with any of them.”
“That’s what I like best about you.”
“The fact that I’m soft all over and won’t suck your dick just to get access to your credit card?”
