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T H I R T E E N
- Lucy -
I was so excited I couldn’t even open the door. I was too busy beaming like an idiot, jangling my keys in my hand and fumbling at the lock. Finally, I remembered that I had to turn the key and shove the door with my shoulder at the same time to open the damn thing.
Still, as weird as it sounds, it felt good to feel flaky.
There had only been a few times in my life when I was so excited about a guy or a kiss or a lingering hug that I felt ditzy, and this was certainly one of them.
It felt deliciously feminine to be the object of such a sexy man’s desire, and the fact that the man was Aiden, who I’d been crushing on for the better part of my life, made it so much more intense.
And that slow, soft kiss in the car made it seem so real. Not like the orgasmic sex we had on Saturday which was entirely surreal, not of this planet, and barely believable even though I saw it up close. The sex we had on Saturday was the Loch Ness Monster. Elusive, mysterious, hard to fathom.
But that kiss. It was as real as the Black-Eyed Susans in my hand. It was tangible, lovely, light. And we were sober, which mattered because it meant our getting together wasn’t a drunken mistake.
And by the time I climbed the stairs to my apartment, I was feeling all the dangerous feelings I was most afraid of, and I was feeling them for the person I promised myself I would never feel them for.
It seemed to me like the perfect time to borrow one of Fiona’s Xanax, except I didn’t want to numb the feeling for a change. I wanted to know it, to own it, especially considering how long I’d resisted it.
I set the flowers on the counter and grabbed the vase off the window sill. I couldn’t remember the last time we actually had flowers to put in it. As a result, it was full of magazine clippings of hairstyles Fiona and I liked, but I took those out and shoved them in a Ziploc bag.
“Fiona?!” I called as I cut the ends of the flowers off with the kitchen scissors.
Maybe she wasn’t home yet. I knew she was working a later shift, but I thought she would beat me home since I’d gone for ice cream.
No matter. I was happy to relish the warmth radiating through me from that creamy, chocolatey kiss. And I loved this inappropriate side of Aiden. He was so presumptuous, so forward.
I mean, where did he get off saying those things to me? It was hard to take him seriously, but I knew better than to think he didn’t mean it. He wasn’t the kind of guy that minced his words.
“Fiona?!” I called again.
No. Definitely not home yet.
I arranged the flowers, set them prominently on the counter, and took a few steps back so I could admire them.
I wouldn’t normally be this excited. Usually if a guy showed genuine interest, I kept my cool, kept my distance, and didn’t get my hopes up. But the guys I was used to seeing didn’t have Aiden’s character, his integrity.
That’s why I never took them seriously. Because humoring my obnoxiously feminine emotions was the fastest way to a broken heart.
But Aiden wouldn’t hurt me, would he? Was he even capable of using me or dismissing me the way so many guys had in the past? I mean, he said himself that he cared about me like family.
And maybe he was right. Maybe we could make this work.
God, when he asked if I’d ever thought about us getting together, I wanted to bop him on the head.
Of course, I have you idiot! How could I not think about it over the last fifteen years?! Was his inability to cop on sooner just because guys developed later than girls? Was he just slow on the uptake?
Whatever it was, I didn’t want to dwell on it. I wanted to dwell on the fact that he’d finally noticed me, and more importantly, that he liked what he saw.
After all, there was no one whose company I enjoyed more, and the thought that I might get to spend more time with him filled me with a stupid, shameful joy. I blew air out between my lips. I needed to calm down.
It was just a kiss… and an invite to his family’s biggest bash of the year. Still, it was one thing for me to get my hopes up on the inside. But there was no reason to gush to Fiona about how excited I was. Just in case something bad happened.
Cause I didn’t want to be pitied, especially by her. Plus, if something went wrong with Aiden, she was all I’d have left.
I heard the key in the door and looked up.
Fiona burst in with a red nose, her eyes puffy from crying.
