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Chapter Twenty-Three
The ride back to the hotel had been virtually silent. Ryder looked out the window at the Chicago skyline, took a sip of his scotch, poured from a tiny bottle out of the mini-fridge, and mentally prepared himself to have his first fight with Sophie.
Because it was coming.
It hung in the air, thick and dark and dangerous.
She’d kicked off her shoes and sat on the edge of the bed, looking unsure and remote. Expressions he wasn’t used to seeing on her face.
If he was honest, he didn’t want to start, even though he knew deep in his bones they couldn’t avoid the discussion any longer. Only, he didn’t know where to go from here.
This hadn’t been what he’d anticipated.
He’d planned on being in her by now. Not sitting here in silence, without a clue what to say.
They’d carefully avoided any and all thoughts of their future, but now it had caught up with them and refused to be denied.
Sitting there in that room, he came face-to-face with the truth. For the first time in his life, he was in love, and it was a goddamn mess.
He’d be more hopeful, more sure something would work out, if only it hadn’t been for the look on her face. The resignation that crossed her features and told him she wasn’t even considering a future with him as an option.
He had no experience with heartbreak. But from what he could tell, he didn’t want any part of it.
She shifted on the bed and cleared her throat. “Even if something does happen, I won’t leave before the festival.”
His attention snapped toward her, and his expression must have been as fierce as he felt, because she shrank back a little. In a harsh voice he asked, “Do you think I’m upset about the damn festival?”
Her hands clenched, twisting in her lap, a gesture so unlike her he could only guess how uneasy she must be. “No, I was just trying to say . . .” Another tug at a ring she wore on her middle finger. “Well, that if I get that job, I won’t leave right away.”
He blinked at her, and the irony sank in a little deeper. He scoffed, his laughter harsh and bitter.
“What?” She made a helpless gesture. “It might not even happen. Yes, it’s possible, maybe even probable, but you never know with these companies. Things change all the time at a drop of a hat. So let’s worry about it then.”
More than anything, he wanted to agree. He could see it all play out. He’d nod, she’d stand up, strip out of her dress. He’d see her in her fancy, slutty underwear, she’d walk over to him, and he’d pull her down on his lap, sink into her mouth, and forget all about tonight.
They’d go on their adventure tomorrow, spend time with her friends, and go back to Revival. Once they returned home, they’d spend all their time together and continue to ignore the elephant in the room.
It was what she wanted.
It was what he wanted too.
But he couldn’t open his mouth and speak the words that would make it happen.
Instead he said nothing, just drank his scotch and looked out the window.
“Ryder?” Her tone was tinged with a bit of desperation. “I didn’t know, but it’s premature to get worried about it now.”
He turned to face her and couldn’t stop the truth from coming to his lips. “I saw your face when he told you about the job.”
Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
That this was the first thing to pop out of his mouth helped him pinpoint exactly what upset him. Helped him acknowledge that the hope he’d been harboring had just been just that.
Hope. Foolish wishful thinking, really. Nothing more, nothing less.
For Sophie, he was a pit stop on the way back to her regularly scheduled life.
For him, she was his life.
