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She swallowed hard. “I don’t like the way he makes me feel.”
Maddie’s head tilted. “How does he make you feel?”
“Wild and reckless.” She licked her lips. “Like I want to go out and do something crazy.”
“Is that wrong?”
Maddie had been her partner in teenage rebellion before her dad died in an accident that left her in a coma. When she’d woken up, she’d turned herself into a perfect daughter, sister, and girlfriend until she nearly suffocated with it. When it got too much for her, she’d climbed out the window on her wedding day and ended up in Revival and never looked back. For her, crazy and reckless had led her to the love of her life. Sophie had never been that lucky. Sophie blew out a breath. “You know my track record with wild and reckless, and it never ends well.”
Maddie clucked her tongue. “Soph, Tony was a long time ago. You’re not the same person you were then.”
“I know, because I don’t engage in that kind of behavior anymore.”
Maddie frowned. “We all have that one guy that messes with your head. Eventually you have to move on.”
“It’s not that. I got over that asshole the second he overdrew my bank account and abandoned me.” She shuddered, still able to recall the crushing loss of it. She shook the rush of emotion away. “It was more than messing with my head. I was so crazy about him, so desperately in love with him, I let him do whatever he wanted. But worse, I let him manipulate me. Let him isolate me from you and Penelope. Let him convince me that every red flag I saw was in my imagination. That every time he disappeared to screw some girl, I was the crazy one. And all because I was addicted to the way he made me feel.”
There was silence for a bit before Maddie said, “I don’t think Ryder is emotionally abusive, Soph.”
“I know that.” But it didn’t matter; she had no desire to lose herself like that again. There was the truth of the matter. He had the potential to ruin her, and she couldn’t let that happen. “It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving. So I’m going to stay away.”
“Okay,” Maddie said, like it was so simple.
She sighed. “I only wish he didn’t make me remember.”
“Make you remember what?” Maddie asked.
“What abandon tastes like.”
* * *
Ryder knocked on Sophie’s door at six thirty, slightly embarrassed by his actions but unable to help himself.
She opened the door a minute later dressed in yoga pants and a tank top, her hair in a ponytail. She didn’t say anything, she just looked at him, with shadows under her eyes.
He jerked a thumb over to his house and smiled. “I’m making dinner, I thought you might want to join me.”
Her forehead furrowed and she peered over his left shoulder, looking out on the quiet street before she shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a great idea.”
Sadness creased her face and he frowned. He’d been in the last meeting with her and she’d been fine, all bright and full of sass. Had something happened between now and then? “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s great.” But her voice lacked any of its customary verve. She shrugged. “I . . . I think we should keep our distance.”
Okay, he’d kissed her and bitten her, but she’d seemed fine all day. He wanted to ask but didn’t think she’d tell him. He shrugged. “It’s just dinner, Sophie. I know you haven’t been shopping, and Revival doesn’t have delivery. I thought you might want to eat.”
Her fingers tightened on the door frame. “That’s what we always say.”
She had him there.
She gazed out onto the street again. “Bill called, I’m having coffee with him Wednesday.”
His jaw tightened, and an unfamiliar and unwelcome jealousy sat in his gut. “You don’t want to go out with Bill.”
She shrugged. “Why not? He’s a nice guy.”
“Because you’ll eat him alive.”
She raised a brow, putting a hand on her hip. “Like you’d give Cheryl a heart attack if you ever said boo to her.”
