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The tension vibrated in him as he told me the story about his fear of the horse, and when he took my hand I melted. Kilter didn’t seem the type to share anything of himself, and yet he had, and I knew why, so I’d trust him.
But none of this could last. This. Him. Everything. It was temporary. Eventually, they’d discover my secret and use me like Anton.
I pulled my hand from his grasp. “I think we should head back now.”
“Babe.” Kilter reached for me, but I dodged his hand, shifting right.
He cursed beneath his breath.
I glanced at him and saw the scowl and frustration etched on his face. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that I put it there. But it was better this way. If I became too close to Kilter, I’d be trapped in the same life he’d rescued me from.
“I may not understand what you’re going through, but…” He hesitated and his lips pursed together, forming harsh lines around his mouth. “Fuck, I can’t promise to be patient. That’s not me. But, if you need me, I’m here for you.”
An ache gripped my chest and I yearned to blurt everything out. To trust him. To finally be able to let go and stop hiding. But just because he saved me and showed me kindness didn’t mean he could be trusted. Anton had been kind after my parents died. I’d trusted him. My parents trusted him, and all of it was a lie.
We walked along the path toward the house, neither of us saying anything. There was tension in his broad shoulders and his hands were curled into fists. Even his stride was stiff.
I didn’t like having that effect on him. I briefly closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “It gives me strength—the rain, sun, moon, wind.” I felt his eyes on me, and with a quick glance up at him, I saw the scowl was gone. “Nature is powerful and can be ruthless, and yet it gives us life.” I paused, chewing on my lower lip. “It lends it to me—its strength. It was the one punishment my husband knew would hurt me the most. He’d lock me up in my room with no window. No sun or moon, wind or rain.” Kilter swore beneath his breath. “If he threatened to lock me away, I’d do whatever he wanted. He knew that. I let him discover my weakness, and he used it against me. I should’ve known better.” God, please don’t use this against me.
Kilter grunted. “The bastard would’ve found out, babe. He had you since you were a child. There was nothing you could’ve done, except survive, and you did. You survived. That’s strength.”
I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It matters if you keep running.”
I darted a quick look at him and saw compassion in his hooded eyes. Or was it pity? I didn’t want his pity; I was ashamed of myself already. Having Kilter look at me like that when he had so much courage was debilitating.
He knew nothing of my life. And yet, he’d understood when he heard my scream on the rooftop and came back for me. And he was trying to be gentle and kind when it went against everything he was.
He didn’t trust the Scars, I saw that in how he spoke and reacted to them. There was a reason behind it, and I suspected it was bad. Maybe worse than what I’d suffered, and yet he was strong. I wasn’t. I hated that.
I reached for him, my hand lightly touching his forearm. His eyes darted to me and I quickly drew back. What was I doing?
If he delved any further, he’d discover too much.
We strolled back to the house, inches separating us, and I listened to his breath, his heartbeat, and breathed in his scent.
Kilter was comforting and I wanted to let him in.
But the risk was too great. I couldn’t take the chance.
