AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I WANT TO TALK about your childhood today,” Rebecca said.
I sat crossed-legged on the sunflower-printed couch, two white throw pillows, which I’d thrown across the room numerous times in sessions, nestled beside me, and an assortment of stuffed animals perched along the back of it. I was thinking about Delara, not what Rebecca was saying.
In the past two weeks, Delara was distant, not sleeping at the gallery most nights and returning in the wee hours of the morning. Her eyes were red rimmed and I wasn’t sure if it was from being tired or she’d been crying.
Last night, I woke at dawn to her and Jedrik arguing in the alley below my window. I heard snippets of words mentioned when Jedrik raised his voice. Something about Liam, Abby, and Waleron.
“Rayne?” Rebecca said.
“Yeah, sorry.” I looked up.
“Your childhood. Before Anton.”
I’d avoided talking about my childhood over the last few sessions. “I don’t remember much.”
“Let’s start with your parents. What were they like?”
I pulled a pillow into my lap and played with the tassels hanging from the corners. “When I was ten, they died in a car crash. I barely remember them.” My father received an emergency call from the hospital; a bus had flipped over on highway 400. They needed him and my mom in the E.R. Both being doctors, they often had emergencies. Anton had been a neighbor who had become a good friend of theirs. He looked after me if they were both called in at the same time.
They never made it home that night. Ironically, their car was hit by a truck on the highway and killed them both instantly. The driver of the truck was never found.
“Rayne, you’re avoiding the question,” Rebecca said. “That is what happened to them, not who they were.”
I tightened my hold on the pillow. “I was too young to remember them.”
“I don’t think that’s true.” Rebecca tapped her pen on her thigh, and with her silence, I knew what it meant. She’d sit and wait until I gave her something.
“Mom was quiet and calm and cared about everyone. Even when I got into trouble, I remember her being… I don’t know, just loving.”
“So, you were a curious child? Got into trouble?”
I shrugged. “Once I walked out the front door and wandered two streets over and sat on the edge of a pool. I couldn’t swim. Mom called the police and my dad had to come home from work. The owners of the house found me and I got a lecture from the police.”
“What did your parents do?”
“I don’t remember much. Just the police officer with the big moustache crouching down in front of me. He was so big and scary.” I looked at the pillow I clutched to my chest then said, “My mom and dad hugged me. And they cried.”
“So you were a pretty brave little kid?”
“I guess. I mean, I wasn’t scared of much.” Plus, I had Serafina, although I kept my friend a secret from my parents. They knew about the Ink because they taught me the words of how to call to it, but I was only allowed to if I was ever in danger. Of course, that only encouraged me to call to my Ink when they weren’t around. Serafina and I would play games and laugh—she was my best friend. Until Anton.
“And your father, what was he like?”
“I sought his approval for everything. I remember wanting to make him proud, but I don’t think he was.” I didn’t remember much of him because my memories were mostly of Anton.
“I’m certain that isn’t true, Rayne. Your perception maybe, which is a pattern of anorexia—never feeling good enough. But it isn’t true.”
It didn’t matter anymore. My father was gone.
“Did Anton take your father’s place? Maybe he was the one you could never please?”
My heart beat against my chest and my eyes darted to her. I hated talking about Anton and she knew it. “What do you mean?”
“He was your guardian. Is it possible you tried to make Anton proud, needing that approval since you could no longer get it from your father?”
It sucked that she was so insightful, but then again, maybe it didn’t.
I was getting better. My legs no longer trembled when I walked and I hadn’t felt dizzy in over a week. But still, every piece of food I put in my mouth I thought about, and it was a battle.
