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“It’s nice to meet you, Pam.” Tully smiled at the sweet woman and held onto Nathan’s hand for dear life. Pam opened her mouth to say something else when three children the height of Tully’s stomach ran up to her.
“Mom!” A small girl with light brown hair whined and grabbed hold of Pam’s shirt. “He won’t stop hitting me.”
“I didn’t mean to!” another kid yelled, already crying.
“Nathan, you kids get in there. I know your mom was waiting for you so we could start.” Pam brushed Tully and Nathan forward and forced them into the middle of the open room, catching the attention of a few people. One of the kids sitting at a smaller table with miniature chairs asked. “Who is that?”
“You need me to stop them from hugging you?” Nathan leaned in so only she could hear his question. She was tempted to say yes. Then he squeezed her hand and a warm and uncommon physical generosity came over her. As long as she was holding this hand, she could handle it.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.”
He nodded and gave her a reassuring smile.
Pam was Sandy’s sister, and there was a man who looked like he could also be her brother sitting munching on a cracker from a platter someone set down on an extravagantly decorated table. It was a noisy room, people shouting at one another, excited children screaming combined with the gasping sobs of the kids Pam was trying to console. It was so . . . lively.
In Tully’s head she’d pictured delicately placed tables and soft jazz and Nathan with his hair like he wore it on Halloween in a slicked pompadour. But this was chaotic in the best way.
Sandy was wearing her apron and directing a pair of teens who looked to be similar to Tully and Nathan’s age in where to set down dishes of potatoes and carrots. One of them said something and Sandy spun around. “Tully is here!”
The ones that didn’t notice her entrance did now and Tully held the attention of the entire room as the sole stranger. She didn’t think before she adjusted her hold on Nathan, so their fingers weaved and palms cupped together like she did after the party. This way was more secure, more certain. Easy to cling to for stability.
Tully raised her empty hand in greeting. “Hello.”
“Is that Nathan’s girlfriend?” The same kid sitting at the kid-sized table asked, and another scrunched their face up.
“Ewwww.”
So many kids.
“Yeah, yeah, she’s my girlfriend, so be polite and say hello instead of staring.”
Maybe they were just waiting for an invitation because suddenly she was surrounded by people of all ages who were more than happy to greet her and pull her in and shake her hand and ask her questions. It blurred together, names and faces and words. The one thing she knew for sure was Nathan. Steady and present and catching the questions that flew over her head.
He really would be the perfect boyfriend.
What if . . . no. Won’t happen.
“Everyone come sit down, this food is ready to eat.” Sandy clapped her hands and she had control of the room in seconds. The swarm split and people divided into seats at different tables like they knew exactly where they were assigned. Nathan’s father walked into the room with a few other men and gave Tully a nod—either of approval or welcoming, she couldn’t tell.
Her and Nathan’s spots were the two empty chairs that were left untouched by everyone else in the middle of the main table. Nathan let go of her hand for the first time so he could pull out her chair, and she took it with a silent nod of appreciation.
“Thank you all for being here to spend this holiday with us,” Rodger stood up, and people all turned to look at him smiling. Tully pursed her lips. This was so different than she was used to. It was so . . . familial. “Since it’s Thanksgiving, before we eat I would like to just say a few words. I’m so grateful to have such a wonderful family, a beautiful wife, and a strong and determined son.” Rodger put his hand onto Nathan’s shoulder. She could barely keep her eyes off of Nathan for weeks, so now she knew his face well enough to recognize what he was thinking just by looking at the lines and tilt of his lips and his eyes: his eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open, but more clear than that, there was an elated smile on his face.
Like he was the sunshine warming her with his proximity, she felt everything he did, and she smiled too.
The family members around the table murmured happily. Tully looked around the table. Smiles on every face. A color came to mind, a bright, warm gold, like the color of the summer sun right before it set.
That is what this felt like. She had no idea it could exist anywhere but in the sky, much less surrounding a table with family. Who knew that people could care so much?
Rodger grabbed a glass filled with red wine and lifted it in a toast. “To family, old and new.” He caught her eye, and Tully realized he was talking about her. She was the new. Her smile grew strained until he looked away, unable to meet his eyes as it faltered. “Dig in.”
This was not real. This was not her family. This golden light was not meant for her. It shrouded her now, but soon the sun would set and she would have to return to cloudy nighttime skies. No one remembered her there.
After she was gone no one would remember her here either.
“Hey.” A hand set on her leg and Tully jumped. She followed the arm up to his face and saw the concern that stole away his smile. She didn’t want to see that. “Are you okay?”
His soft eyes, they melted her. Her dreary clouds faded away and the night reversed back into the golden hour. She wanted this. She wanted him. For as long as she could milk this facade, she would take it. The happy family, the loving boyfriend; people whocared.
