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“I get it now, why you hated that rumor so much.”
He chuckled, but it was short. “I think he pulled it together years ago, but I still have a hard time forgiving him. He was gone so often he never had to hear her crying while it was happening. She smiled and stuff, but I could tell when it was different. For a long time, I hated her for staying with him as much as I hated him.” He paused, and Tully sensed that silence wasn’t meant for her to fill, so she left it open. Nathan’s chest rose and fell as he took a deep breath. “I didn’t want her to think I was like that too.”
Guilt was a funny sensation. It made her whole body convulse without moving a single muscle. Whether she knew or not, she should not have said it. She didn’t know how else to help him except . . . she wasn’t good with comforting people. But there was one thing she could tell about Nathan—he was an affectionate person. She liked him enough to push past her own insecurities and try.
Nathan’s hand was inches from hers, resting on the edge of the window by their knees and Tully did what Nathan would do for her if she let him.
She reached forward and wrapped her fingers around his in silent comfort.
He looked down at where she held him, his lips parted. Tully held her breath, because if she breathed out it would be shaky. His eyes met hers, and she lifted her lips in reassurance. Of what? She wasn’t one hundred percent sure, she just didn’t want him to be sad, she wanted to show him she saw him.
But something in the rain changed. That rhythmic thumping switched into a new beat and Tully was caught off guard, her smile faltered when she saw the look in Nathan’s eyes. That look sent a cold drip of water down her chest and a flicker of flame into her heart.
“Tully?” His voice was a whisper that brushed past her face. They were closer than she remembered, but whoever moved, she couldn’t tell. She hummed and waited for him to talk. “I’m going to do something.”
Tully blinked. That sounded familiar. A distant memory sat on the tip of her brain and she furrowed her brows as she tried to recall what it was. In fact, a lot about this felt familiar. The words, the setting,him.
Drip.
His eyes flicked to her lips.
Drip. Drip.
She had tried to forget their first kiss that night at the party months ago, because as much as she wanted to deny it, it was the first, real thing to happen between them both. No deal, no act—real.
It took her until now to realize it was a foreshadow.
The realization sprinkled over her like the start of a rainstorm. One drop, two drops, and then hundreds—thousands hit her skin and soaked through her conscience.
She was wrong this whole time.
If she let this happen now, her heart would burst through her chest and desire would control her body.
He started to lean in.
This was not a crush. Not anymore.
She held still, stuck between her head and her heart.
If she let this happen now, there was no reversing what he’d done to her. She already told herself never again.
Losing control was not an option.
She stood up and splashed from the deep waters around her, gasping for air.
Her elbow hit the window with a bang and Nathan straightened. His eyes widened, like he too just realized what he’d almost done. She cringed thinking about how this looked, but she cringed more when she thought what it would be like to kiss Nathan and feel the way she did about him when he didn’t care for her that way.
Moments like these, they shimmer and shine but then you get close enough and it’s just a mirage, pretending to be water where there is none. Nathan was a mirage, and she was drowning.
Her fingers dropped his and she stood up, clearing her throat. “We should go back down. They might be wondering where we are.”
She shut the window and cut them off from the rain.
fifty-two
nathan
He had wanted to kiss her again. He really did.
