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A scoff-like laugh broke from his lips. ‘He’s a threat to everyone.’
‘Oh, for the bloody gods’ sakes.’ I was no longer keeping my voice down. I could no longer care about keeping my voice down. He stood no more than five feet away from me, every inch my friend, every inch the unshakable, imperturbable alf who had all but adopted me into his home, and yet I felt like I was shouting at him over a gaping chasm. ‘Listen, Iknowhe’s been an utter prick to you, Iknowhow much he’s ruined for you, but did you ever consider that perhaps he wouldn’t be nearly so much of a threat if you could stop kicking him down on every possible occasion?'
The silence reverberated between us as he drew in a long, steadying breath – a desperate attempt not to drag me back into the Underground and lock me far away from any intruding fae princes, I suspected.
‘Em,’ he said. Curt and clipped. ‘Please don’t start about his poor misunderstood soul to me.’
‘But you won’t understand if you refuse to understandthis!’ Would physically shaking him improve anything? Unlikely, and yet my hands itched to try. ‘He did not make an effort to seduce me, alright? He stayed away from me to make sure nothing of the sort would happen untilIforced him to stop running from me, and if I hadn't done that, we would never have …’
I faltered, unsure how to finish that sentence. The only options I came up with were options I very, very much did not want to speak out loud for Tared to hear.We’d never have kissed. We’d never have fucked against that wall. We’d never have fallen in love.
His voice had gone flat and low again. ‘And when, exactly, did all of this happen?’
Oh, fuck.
‘I …’ I stammered.Months. I’ve been keeping secrets from you since the very first time we met.‘It depends on what you—’
‘Before or after the Golden Court?’ he interrupted.
Hell take me.I’d planned to prepare for this conversation, to come up with some version of the story that, while staying true to the general outcome of things, would put a little less emphasis on weeks and weeks of sneaking around. I’d planned to figure out first how many harmless lies would be acceptable.
But there was no time to think here, in the face of those merciless questions, and if he found out later I’d been lying … Would he ever trust me again?
‘Before,’ I whispered weakly.
His jaw tightened. ‘Before or after we brought you to the Underground?’
The steel in his voice could have drawn blood. I felt myself shrink under his gaze, pathetically tempted to burst out crying and plead for forgiveness and hope that would put a stop to his questions. But I hadsomepride left, and my knees wouldn’t buckle even as the silence swelled to deadly proportions in the night air between us.
‘Before.’ I had to force the word over my lips.
‘I see.’
Still there was no spark of fury – hell, couldn’t he at the very least have shouted a little? Anything was better than this unbearable flatness, no trace of the friend I knew and joked around with, no clue of what was happening below that undisturbed surface.
I started, ‘Tared—’
‘And you didn’t think,’ he cut in, a whetted edge to every individual word, ‘that it would be helpful to inform us of the situation at some point?’
I grasped for the answer – thetrueanswer – as if I was drowning. ‘I was going—’
‘Do you haveanyidea what this has been doing to me, Em? To let the fucker back into our lives after everything?’ There was no sign he’d even heard the start of my answer, and only then did I realise his question had not been a true question, either. His outburst came from behind clenched teeth, washing over me in with the unstoppable force of a tidal wave. ‘I haven’t had a single decent night of sleep since he weaselled his way back into the Underground, for Orin’s gods-damned sake – haven’t stopped looking over my shoulder for a minute. Did you ever spend thefaintestthought on how much I’ve been worrying about you and your starry eyes? About … about …’
He fell silent, breathing heavily. Something wolfish tightened in his expression, something even his tense lips and clenched jaw could not conceal – a glimpse of wildness crawling from behind his easy-going exterior, howling for justice.
I’d felt the emotion behind that stoic calm, standing with Zera’s bag in my arms.
‘About Lyn,’ I finished numbly.
He swallowed visibly, jaw not loosening. ‘Yes.’
‘I … I didn’t know you were still worried about that.’ I couldn’t breathe. Understanding seeped through me like ice water, driving gall up my throat.Not a decent night of sleep.‘I thought you talked with Lyn. I thought—’
‘If someone were to keep his hands wrapped around your neck day after day,’ he snarled, ‘ready to squeeze the very fucking air you breathed from your lungs, would you feel terribly reassured by people telling you the bastard surely doesn’t mean any harm? I’ve been hovering over my own damn grave for months, andthisis how you decide to inform me it was never Lyn he was preying on? You never thought that may have been worth mentioning before?’
I gaped at him, stunned into silence. His eyes were cold chips of grey in the moonlight, glittering like hoarfrost.
‘But …’ My thoughts had scattered like leaves in the wind. ‘But it wasn’t just … Even Naxi told you that you didn’t have to worry! She’s ademon! I didn’t realise—’
