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“I don’t blame you, you know,” he goes on, mid-stride.
I glance over at him. He could blame me for many things, so for clarification, I grunt, “What are you talking about?”
He keeps his gaze facing forward. “For blaming me for my brother’s death. For thinking I did it.” I say nothing, so he prattles on. “I would have thought the same thing. Neil and I never got along; there’s evidence to attest to that. And although I have nothing to thank you for except finding his killer and my almost-killer, I just wanted you to know that I don’t blame you.”
I grunt again as we enter the hospital. Hospitals have a certain smell that always puts my hair on end. That sterile aroma, the one that seems to remind me that this place is filled with equal amounts of happiness and sorrow. But Ishove it aside, and we head to the front desk. I have no idea where Tegan’s body is, and Tori is nowhere in sight. She’s probably with Tegan, I realize. I shouldn’t have expected her to wait for me.
The nurse is on the phone, and she holds up a finger, says a few more things through the receiver, and hangs up. “Can I help you?” she asks us.
My mouth goes dry, and I just stare at her. How do I ask to see my dead girlfriend? How do I ask where they keep dead bodies?
“He’s here to see Tegan Adams,” Derek says clearly, gesturing with a pointer finger at me. “I’m here to admit myself.”
She raises an eyebrow at him, but then she looks at me. I don’t know what she sees in my expression because I’ve never had a mirror to see what grief looks like on me, but she gives me a sad smile and directs her attention to her computer. After a few clicks on her keyboard, she squints at the screen. “She’s still on the third floor. Room three-oh-eight. You’ll have to hurry though. They plan on moving her soon.”
Flexing my jaw, I nod once at her. So they haven’t moved her to the morgue yet.
“Elevator is just down the hall,” she adds, pointing and then turning her attention to Derek. I don’t listen to what he says to her as I stride away on seemingly numb legs toward the direction she said. Once I’m inside the elevator, and thankfully, alone, I jab the button for the third floor. The elevator rises, and I take deep breaths through my mouth. What will Tegan look like dead? I saw her draw her last breath, but hours after her last breath? I saw her alive and vibrant and so full of life. I touched her, kissed her, laughed with her. Became a man I didn’t think I’d everbe. That’s all gone. She’s gone. And she took half of me with her.
Before I’m ready, the elevator door dings and slides open. I swallow thickly and step through. It doesn’t take long to find the room her body is in, and I hover just outside, listening to what can only be Tori sniffling inside.
Flexing and unflexing my hands, I step inside.
A wall stands in the way. I can only see Tegan’s feet resting on the bed, and standing at the end of the bed, swiping away tears, is Tori. She doesn’t notice me at first, not until I call her name.
She immediately rushes to me and throws her arms around my shoulders, knocking me back a step. My shirt dampens as fresh new tears shed from Tori’s eyes, and she begins to blubber on with unintelligible words. I just pat her back because that’s all I can do. There’s no comfort today, not for me. Nothing can make this feel better.
When her sobs subside, she pulls away and uses her shoulder sleeve to wipe away the mess on her face. “What took you so long?”
“I wanted to be part of catching Smith,” I admit quietly.
She nods a little and crosses her arms loosely over her chest. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t kill him, but Tegan needs you.”
“Tegan is dead,” I say, my throat crackling with heavy emotion. Saying it out loud just makes it too real, but I’m not wrong. A dead body is a dead body.
Her eyes narrow and then widen. “No one told you?”
I scowl through a few tears. “Told me what?”
A small smile plays on her lips, and she grabs my hand and tugs me past the wall. I stop as soon as the wall is out of the way and Tegan comes into view. My heart skips abeat at the same time a monitor records hers.Her heartbeat. Her monitor.
She’s alive?
Her eyes are closed, and tubes are sticking out of her mouth, a machine pumping air into her lungs. Her hair is a mess around her head, and what was once a creamy pallor of skin is now ash white and sickly, but . . . “She’s alive?” I whisper.
I’m vaguely aware of Tori nodding. “They got her heart beating again in the ambulance. The bullet hit her lung, and they were able to remove it. She’s still in critical condition, but they think she’ll survive it. They plan to move her to the ICU here soon.”
“Then why isn’t she awake?” I ask as I shuffle closer to the bed. My heart thuds incredibly fast, so fast that I can feel it in the pulse of my neck. My mind just won’t fully commit to the fact that she’s alive, but my entire body pricks with awareness.With relief.
I brush a stray hair off Tegan’s face. She’s not as cold as I expected her to be, but she looks so helpless, so fragile hooked up to everything.
“They put her in a coma, but it’ll only be for a few days.”
“Why?” I ask quietly.
“They want her body to rest,” she answers just as softly.
I take in Tegan’s face as I settle on the bed beside her. I fold her hand in mine and say more for myself than for Tori, “But she’ll live.”
