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“I’m sorry, man,” I say, actually meaning it. My hands scrape through my hair and the height of my anger dissipates. “The truth is…I’m going through a lot. But I haven’t wanted to talk about it.”
Like spending the past few months looking back on my adolescent memories with new light. How would things have been different for me if I’d been supported through my learning differences instead of shamed for them? And then there’s Nora and everything she told me tonight. She was right—the Derek from college hated his studies and textbooks and classes because of how they made him feel. So inadequate. So lacking. Having to buckle down and study more with her would have driven a wedge between us like it did for me and my parents.
“I’ve been pulling away from you guys because…shit…I’ve just been scared, okay? Scared I’m going to lose you all as friends if I get cut and I’m not a Shark anymore.”
“I wish you’d told us,” says Nathan. “We could have punched you in the balls a long time ago and left Nora out of it completely. Bottom line, you’re not getting rid of us.”
Lawrence grunts a laugh. “We’re all getting older, man. Injuries are going to happen. Retirement is on the horizon for all of us. Except for Nathan because he’ll probably play until he’s eighty.”
Nathan nods. “It’s true.”
“Which is why our friendship isn’t contingent on our contracts. We’re like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.” Lawrence settles back down on the floor.
I raise my eyebrows. “Have we been sharing pants and I don’t know about it? Is that why they’ve all been fitting me wrong lately?”
“I was going to say something the other day. Your pants have looked weird, man.” Price looks to mine now and sure enough…one side is a little shorter than the other.
“No,” Lawrence interjects before we get off the rails too far. “I mean, we’ll always be connected no matter how far apart we are.”
Nathan squints at my legs. “It’s like an inch difference. Have you only been drying one pant leg or something?”
I shrug. “I really don’t know. Maybe one of my legs is still growing and the other stopped?”
Jamal hits me in the face with a pillow. “I don’t give a shit about your ugly pants, Derek. What about thewoman?”
“What about her?” I shrug.
His eyes widen in annoyance. “Are you still in love with her?”
For once I’m too tired to fight with him. “Yes, I am. Deeply. Terribly.”
Everyone is just as shocked by my honest answer as I am.
Jamal sits up. “Well, damn, this is bad if you’re not threatening to kick my butt out the window over calling your pants ugly.”
That’s when the weight of everything topples over me and I sit heavily on the couch, dropping my face in my hands. “I do still love her. I think I always will. And even more pathetic, I think part of why I’ve been hazing her with chores around my house all week is because I just like having her near me. I like hearing her laugh and her silly quips and the glares she shoots me when she pretends to be upset with me. I like her—more than I’ve liked anyone or anything in my entire life.”
Nathan blows out a heavy breath, making his cheeks puff out. He leans his elbows onto his knees. “I didn’t see that coming. Now I almost feel bad about the blackmail.”
“I don’t,” Jamal says, and we all turn a flat look at him.
Nathan joins me on the couch. “Now that you realize this, what do you want to do about it?”
“What do you mean?”
Price sits forward. “He means you must have come here for someother reason than to drop my phone in a glass of water. Do you want to get her back?”
“No,” I say firmly, meaning it.
Jamal rolls his eyes and pushes off the ground, disappearing into the kitchen. He hates my answer.
Nathan levels me with a look that I feel in my soul. “Then what do you want?”
What do I want?
“I want to get over her for good and move on. I think I’ve been so resistant to relationships because part of me has still been holding on to her. I’ve got to let her go, and…I don’t know, maybe I’ll finally let you guys set me up with someone.”
Lawrence stands up. “Okay then, if you want to move on, you’re going to have to act like an adult from now on. Quit hazing her, and just be honest with her. Tell her that after this Vegas trip, you guys have to part ways. It’s not healthy for you to work so closely with someone you love like that.”
