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She rolls her eyes and waves off my fear with a flick of her hand. “Then put it all behind you, Mac. We all make choices in life and some of them are necessarily more gray than others. This is one of those times. You’re a good person and I don’t think for a second you would have eloped—or even gone out drinking—with anyone other than Derek. You did what was needed to extract yourself from a messy situation, and it was honestly brilliant.”
My moral compass is spinning out of control.
“I’ve had to make gray, self-preserving choices too,” she continues. “I think every woman fighting for equality has or will have to at some point to be honest. And we need each other’s support along the way. You have mine, not because of who your husband is, but because even before all of that, you were the best intern and associate we’ve had in years. No one has worked harder than you, and I truly believe you’re going to be one of the best agents in the business. That is why you deserve to be in this office—and that’s why I never want to hear you say anything contrary to it ever again. Understand?”
I press my quivering lips together and nod. “Thank you, Nicole.”
A kind smile pulls at both corners of her mouth. She really does like me.
The sound of a muffled sneeze outside my office door yanks us both from our conversation. And then panic hits. My door was open during all of that. And even though Nicole is understanding about it all—who’s to say that anyone else would be.
Nicole must have the same thought as me because she shoots from her chair and goes to the door, peeking her head out to look both ways down the hallway.
“There’s no one out here. We must have heard someone in their office.”
My shoulders relax and I let out a whoosh of air. “Before you go. Can I get your advice about Derek?”
Nicole closes my door this time and retakes her seat in front of me. I tell her everything that happened at the airport this morning and we spend the next twenty minutes talking strategy and wording for when I go digging for the truth. This. This is what I love to do. And knowing I’m fighting for the career of the man I love makes it even more tantalizing.
After a while, Nicole stands from the chair and heads for the door.She hesitates before leaving, though, and turns around. “I’m glad to have you in the office, Mac. You…you make the tough environment here more bearable.”
I grin proudly. “It really cost you to say that, didn’t it?”
“Thank you for noticing.”
“I don’t care what you say, you’re a great friend, Nicole.”
She narrows her eyes. “Workfriend. We’re work friends only, gotit?”
“I would honestly die for you,” I say solemnly while standing up from my desk and moving around it without having to press my back to the wall. “We’ll be best friends by next week.”
“I already have a best friend.”
“Which is me,” I whisper.
“It’s not you.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s my husband.”
I gasp with genuine shock. “You’re married?! Why did I not know this?”
Nicole grins—proud of the secret she’s apparently kept from me for goodness knows how long. “I don’t mix my personal and work life.”
“What will you tell me next? You’re a singing governess for the von Trapp family on the weekends?”
She’s already walking away from me. “Goodbye, Mac. I’m leaving now.”
“Nora, actually,” I correct for the first time. “I’d like to go by my first name from now on, because I’ve honestly never liked Mac. It doesn’t feel like me.”
Nicole pauses to look back at me. She smiles (or in the special way that only Nicole can smile where it’s really just a minuscule lift to the corners of her mouth) and nods. “Nora it is.”
“Thank you, bestie.”
She disappears down the hall into her office and I turn to look atmine again, trying to convince myself that the hesitation I feel about working here for any length of time is just nervous jitters. I put my hands on my hips and force a smile. “Yeah. This is going to be okay.”
My phone starts ringing and I’m hopeful that it’s Derek, but then I register my dad’s contact photo and my stomach drops to the earth’s core. This is it—the call I’ve been dreading. The one where my dad will expect me to be so happy for him even though I haven’t heard a peep out of him in months. He’ll also expect me to offer my wedding planning services in some way like I have in the past. He’ll want me to be happy for him even though it’ll mean him trading me out for another family until he moves on from them too and circles back to me.
Normally, I would be compelled to answer this call. I would be afraid it would be my only shot with my dad—and if I missed it, I wouldn’t get another one. But not this time. The more rings that go unanswered, the easier it is for me to completely let it go. To finally see with unflinching clarity that I deserve more than this. And from now on, I’m not going to dangle off the edge of his halfhearted communication. I’ll call him back when I’m good and ready. And then I’m going to tell him I won’t be making it to his wedding, and that after the wedding, we need to have a real talk.
I reject the call and then look out over my office and smile.
