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Ellis leans over the center of the Jeep, resting her head on my shoulder. “It’s perfect,” she says.
After we arrived at the planetarium, the tone shifted, and I found myself unable to wipe the grin off my face. I’m not sure I know anything about the stars, though.
I couldn’t stop watching Ellie’s full mouth, feeling the way she squirmed whenever I’d gently squeeze her thigh in the darkened room. It brought back the memories from the ranch. I couldn’t get close enough.
Driving back to the house, I glance over to the passenger seat. There’s no way I’m ready for the day to end–no way I’m ready to stop being with her.
Noah was fucking right, and I both hate him and love him for it.
“So,” I start, hoping that she won’t pull the handle and dive out of a moving vehicle when I ask her the next question. “It’s Christmas Eve.”
Smooth.
“I’m well aware,” she says, giggling as she tips her head back against the seat and closes her eyes.
“I have to go to my parents tonight,” I say, and her eyes open, widening when she looks at me.
Fuck. She’s onto me.
“I’m not trying to freak you out.” This is going about as well as I expected. “People make a big deal of meeting parents and shit. I just showed up at your door the other day asking you to go on a date, and now I’m saying this. I just thought it’d be fun, and your aunt’s still on her cruise. I’m not sure if you and Lennon have plans, but—”
“Finn?” Her lips pull into a smile, and it brings a small amount of relief.
“What?”
Ellis pulls at her seatbelt, giving her the freedom to stretch over and plant a kiss on my cheek. When she’s back in her seat, she has a satisfied grin on her face.
“What?” I ask again with more urgency.
“I don’t have any plans,” she says. “I’d love to hang out with your family.”
Twenty-Four
Ellis
Istarted thinking about my mom. I thought about Lennon’s words, Aunt B, the photograph hanging on my wall by the door, and the reason I put it there.
I didn’t stop thinking, and for some reason, Finn didn’t mind.
His fingers stayed laced through my own for the entire car ride, soft music playing from the radio. It seemed like maybe he knew what was going on, but I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to start talking because once I did, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t stop.
I glance out the window, watching as we start down a winding street, tall pines lining the steep hills running along one side of the road. Finn squeezes my hand again, and it quiets some of my thoughts.
“I’m not sure what’s going on in your head,” he says. “I just wanted you to know that I’m having the best time with you, Ellie.” He squeezes again, and I look up at his face. His eyes glue themselves to the road, and his jaw ticks. “You got really quiet all of a sudden.”
“I started thinking about my mom,” I admit. I’m not sure why I said it, and I certainly don’t know why I want to continue, but I do. “I’ve enjoyed being around you, too, Finn.” The smile I offer him doesn’t reach my eyes as much as I’d like, but I hope he knows I mean it. “Lennon thinks you’re a good thing.” The smile comes easier as Finn’s gaze slides in my direction. “She said something about how I’m always concerned about how my existence is impacting the people around me, but I don’t feel that way with you. You know how the summers here get insanely hot and humid? It makes you want to die from heat stroke if only to end the pain.”
Finn’s brows furrow. It’s an expression so cute, my mood shifts a little more. “I guess,” he says.
“Being with you is like that first fall day where the air is crisp again. It’s like you can move and breathe without all the heat around you–the weight of the world, I guess.” The song on the radio changes, and I find myself tapping along with a finger on my knee, finding my way back to the present.
“That’s–”
I look at him. “Cheesy?” I offer.
“Really fucking nice.”
It’s not the answer I expected, and it makes me smile. I lean my head back on the seat, feeling more confident. “I felt like that with my mom, but then I watched B lose herself because of me. And even though my brain knows that she did it because she loves me and loved my mom.” I keep my eyes closed, feeling the gentle curve of the road stretched out in front of us. “Loves my mom. She still loves her. Even though my brain knows that, I think my heart has always been scared to ask for too much. I don’t want to be a burden, you know?”
