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To avoid the doorman, I move my position from time to time. I search my phone, as I shift from one side of the building to the other, keeping my eyes trained on the front door.
How did I let this happen? She’s a gem, and I allowed her to slip through my fingers. I never tried.
When her text came through a couple weeks ago, I ignored it. I want a family, and I’m the stupid motherfucker who hasn’t taken the steps to make it happen because my parents screwed me up.
A cab stops in front of the building and I watch her slide out, her wild curls blowing in the wind. I wait to see if the fucker from earlier escorts her upstairs, but she’s by herself. I’ve been given a reprieve—a second chance—and I won’t waste it. Crossing the busy street, I call out to her before she can escape into her building.
She stops. From twenty feet away, under outdoor lights, spots of color flood her cheeks, and she crosses her arms, stomping one foot. She hurries into the apartment, and before the doorman can stop me, I’m ten feet from her. The elevator begins to close, and I slip in at the very last second.
We’re not alone. A young girl and her mother stand between the two of us, and Sandra ignores me as though we don’t know one another.
“Mommy, can you read me a book tonight before bed?”
My eyes move to the interaction between mother and daughter, and it’s sweet. It’s a reminder of what I want, if I could stop being a chicken shit for once.
“I’ll tell you what. If you’re a good girl and get changed into your pj’s right away, I’ll read youtwostories. How about that?”
Her green eyes, which are the same shade as Sandra’s, sparkle. “Deal, Mommy.” The little girl, no more than five years old, hugs her mother’s legs. “You’re the best. And I love you.”
The elevator stops, and I ready myself to follow Sandra, but the mom and daughter leave, and we’re alone.
I move toward her, and her arms stop me. “No fucking way am I having this discussion with you tonight. Your silence told me everything I needed. And I got the message, loud and fucking clear.”
I stand, waiting for her to say more. “You going to stand there and not speak?” she asks, leaning forward and poking me in the chest.
“I was waiting until you were done. And figured you’d want to have this discussion in the privacy of your apartment?”
Rubbing the back of her neck, she adopts a challenging tone. “You’ve made one big fucking assumption that you’re invited into my apartment, asshole, and after tonight, I have no intention of letting you in the same space as me.”
It’s my turn. I’ve let her get it all out. I deserve it, but it’s time to fight for what I want, and what I’ve wanted this whole time.
“You done, Rosso? Because now it’s my turn to speak.” With a quick and sharp movement, I back her into the corner of the elevator.
“I was stupid and scared and fucking jealous, and all I want is you. I want to wrap my fingers in your red locks. I want to lick your pussy until you squirm, and for it to be my decision if you’re allowed to have an orgasm. I want my fingers inside of you. I want to fuck you long and slow, with my cock pushing into your sweet cunt. I want to bend you over every surface of your place, and mark you as mine, but even then, it would never be enough,because I’ll never get enough of you.”
The elevator dings and it opens to her floor, or I assume it is. It’s the only other floor that was pressed on the elevator door. “Am I getting off, or are you sending me home, Rosso?”
I’ve rendered her speechless. I wait, and the doors begin to close. I press the button to keep them open. “What will it be?”
She’s quiet, and I know without a shadow of a doubt, if she gives me a chance, I won’t blow it. I won’t let her go this time.
“And just so you know, Rosso, I won’t be the stupid fuck like before. I want you, and only you, and fuck was I stupid to not claim you like I should have a couple weeks ago. Or six months ago.”
Her face gives me no indication as to what she’s thinking. But when her lips quiver and her hands begin to shake, I can read her, and she’s sad. I’ve made this beauty in front of me sad. She opens her mouth to speak, and her tone is low and it’s not the challenging Sandra I’m used to. “Give me one reason, Dom. Why did you let me go? You told me you wanted me, and then nothing. Before I make up my mind, tell me what the fuck I did to make you never call me again.”
She thinks she did something wrong and that it was her fault? I never gave that any consideration, and now I feel like the biggest douche to walk the earth. I start toward her, but she stops me again.
“Fuck, Rosso. It wasn’t you. As a matter of fact, I wanted you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.”
Her brows raise, and she takes in a breath, holding it for a long time, only to let it out slowly. “You have a weird and fucked-up way of showing you want me.”
I’d rather not get into the sordid history of my childhood when someone could walk by, but I’ll do anything to get her to understand.
“I have commitment issues, Rosso. You’re the only person I’veeverimagined being with, and it scared me. Scared me that Icould hurt you. And because I care for you, I never want to cause you pain.”
“Is that all I get?” she asks, her hands on her hips.
“No, I’ll tell you everything. I’ll tell you now, in the elevator, or tell you in your apartment, or even tomorrow, if you’d rather do that.”
