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“She says after Cami had Bridget that she realized she was getting too old to try. She’s come to terms with it. It shocked me. I’ve seen her with her nieces, and she’s a natural.”
He moves the chair closer to me. “I don’t know what to say, little brother. It’s a tough one. I see the way you look at the triplets, especially Harper. You’d be a kick-ass dad one day, but you have to ask yourself if you can live without Sandra, knowing you may never find what you have with her again.”
“I want children, Dom. I want this withher. I was about to ask her if she’d give me one, just one, and I’d do all the hard work, but she stopped me before I could make that offer to her. Like a child is something to barter for.”
My brother raised me, and I’ve always coveted his advice. “I could sit here all day and tell you what to do, but you’re the only one with an answer.” He pauses for a second. “But, what I can tell you is that you stink. Shower, get dressed, and I’ll take you out for a late lunch.”
If it’s Thursday, I’ve been holed up in my room for four days. I’m unsure how I can live without Sandra as a part of my future, but the only way to find out is to put one foot in front of the other. But fuck do I miss that woman.
twenty-one
SANDRA
“Come visit us for the weekend,” my sister implores, after five full days of radio silence. She FaceTimed me, and I was stupid enough to answer.
“Nah, I can’t.”I can’t, and it’s the truth. I need her to live her happiest life. But I can’t watch her men dote on her all weekend long, especially with her pregnancy.
If Maggie snuggled up to me, or Bridget asked me to color a picture with her, I’d think this is easy, and I can do this. And I’d forget the months Dane and Cami didn’t sleep with Bridget because of colic. Or the terrible threes Maggie went through when I’d find my sister crying in the corner because Maggie had been so awful.
Dom was too good to be true. I should have known something was off, and now I knowwhen something is too good to be true, there’s a good fucking reason.
“I’m worried about you, Sandra.”
I can see it in her eyes. “This, too, shall pass.”
Neither one of us believe me. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over Dominic Torano. He’s not like the other guys. They were like bad indigestion; after a couple of days I’d flush them and their shitty selves down the toilet. But with Dom, he’s embedded himself in my heart. It’s not as simple as the others.
“I love you, Cami, but you gotta let me work this out. It’ll take time, and I’m a mess. I’m not in a space to be a sister or an aunt right now.”
Cami has seen me at my worst, after Mom died, but we both were fucked up. She had Dane, but I had her. She can’t be the one I lean on, not where she is in her life.
“How about I send you away for the weekend? A long weekend, somewhere tropical?”
Where couples go to celebrate their relationships? No fucking way.
“I’ll be fine right here. Anyway, Otis is all over me. He knows something is wrong.”
And Otis waits by the door for Dom, now that my stubborn pug finally accepted him. But I don’t share this with my sister.
“I know you want to take this pain away from me, and I get it, sis, I wish you could do that too. But it’s a wound that will take a while to heal, and until then, you gotta let me do this my way. Please?”
She reluctantly nods her head in agreement. “I’m so sorry. I hate you’re hurting but I’ll follow your lead.”
“Thanks, Cam.”
“I’ve been doing a lot of research for natural remedies. If you’re having a hard time sleeping, St. John’s Wort is great to help with insomnia or anxiety, short term. Don’t take longer than twelve weeks, but it’s an option.”
“I’ll look into it.” I normally tell my sister this to appease her, but I’m having a hard time sleeping and concentrating, and my anxiety, which is something I rarely deal with, is at a new high.
“Are you just telling me that, Sandra?” she asks.
“No, I’m serious. I’ll look at it. I promise.”
“Okay, and promise to call me day or night. Whatever you need, it’s yours.”
“I promise. I love you.” I end the call. I stare at the blank screen on the phone, but because I’m a masochist, I swipe over to my pictures, and the last one was a selfie of Dom, me, and Otis. He’s holding the dog, and Otis is almost smiling. But the look on my face, as I watch both my guys together, is pure love and joy. We’d just walked down the trail by the river, and Otis was being nice to Dom.
I can’t break down. I’m at work, and though it’s a Friday, I have a lot to do with the launch of the new gaming software.
