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I study him, the way his eyes seem to toggle between mine. “You're a terrible liar.”
He places a hand over his heart in mock offense. “Me? What do I possibly have to lie about?”
“You’re very good with people who cry,” I say, licking the salt off my lips.
“Okay, you got me there. It’s gotta stay our little secret, though,” he whispers, gently tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “But you still haven't answered my question.”
I exhale through my nose. “It wasn’t Vik… Did you know my beast facilitated this, that she made me go into…” I trail off, not wanting to say the word, but I gesture to myself and I thinkhe gets the hint. “She’s manipulating you with some diabolical plan.”
Loric tilts his head thoughtfully. “Diabolical is a strong word, but yes. I did. And it’s more common than you think. Lots of shifters do it. It comes with the territory.”
“Well, it doesn't feel normal to me.” I scoff, looking down at my hands. “I’m not sure how to feel about any of this. She spoke to me, and for a moment, I felt less alone. But now... I might as well be a puppet, with no control over my body, my mind, my life… Everything has been dictated for me by someone else. For a single moment I didn’t feel safe, but that was all it took for her to try to coerce you into biting me. Which is fucking terrifying to think about, by the way.”
Loric dips his head. “Do you feel safe now?”
“Yes. Sort of. I don't think you’re going to hurt me, if that's what you're asking. But there are other things I worry about.”
“Like what?” He sets his hand on my leg and my pulse jumps.
“Like going to the outer realm where everyone will hate me for merely existing. The fact you told me there are dragons there, and they’ll be worse. They won’t simply want me dead, but to suffer because of what the king did to them… I'm going to get chewed up and swallowed whole by one. I can feel it in my gut. Sure, I could lie and say I’m someone I’m not, but all it takes is one of the six of you to say something, and I’m as good as dead. There’s nowhere in this godsforsaken realm I can go and be safe and that… That’s terrifying.”
He chuckles quietly, his cheeks taking on a slight pink hue, but it’s the smile that gets me. It makes it all the way up to his eyes.
“I’m glad you think this is funny,” I say, frowning.
“It’s not. But I can promise what you’re feeling is completely normal. The lack of control is something that’s hard to get used to. It comes down to boundaries you and your beast create and understanding they’ll never respect them. As for going intoheat… Your beast, despite her methods, is doing it because she cares about you. To her, being claimed by a mate is a form of safety. It's all she can do to ensure your safety with her still learning how to protect you herself.”
I shake my head. “She’s doing this to try and lure you into my lady hole like a siren would a pirate. I don’t know how to make it stop. But I am so sorry…”
He stares up at me, fighting off a smile by pinching his lips between his teeth. “I can’t say I’ve ever heard it called that before, but it will go away. I promise.”
“Yeah, until next month or the next time you bat those sinful lashes my way.”
His eyes go wide. “Sinful?” I ignore him. “Are you trying to say that you didn't like kissing me earlier?”
“That's…No. I did. But enjoying something I'm forcing upon you, even unknowingly, feels wrong.”
“Well, if that’s it, let me put your mind at ease. I didn't kiss you because you smell nice. It has nothing to do with you being in heat.”
Narrowing my eyes I lean a bit closer to him. “How do you know that? Just being around me influences you.”
The pupils of his eyes grow, nearly drowning out the silver rings as he drags his teeth over his bottom lip. “Because while I was outside, far enough away for you to have no effect on me, all I could think about is kissing you again.” His eyes drop, taking my heart with it. “But you just got your freedom and should learn who you are and decide what you want from this life before you mate someone.”
“I know who I am. Being locked away didn't keep that from me.” I let out a shaky breath.
“You know whoyouare, but you've just discovered this whole other half of yourself you didn't know existed, and as you can see it comes with some growing pains. That's somethingeveryone here understands and has gone through at some point or another. The best advice I can give you is to talk to her. Let her know you're okay. Try to understand what she wants and why.”
Loric stands up in front of me, tucking his hand into his sleeve to wipe the tears from my cheeks. I hadn't realized so many had fallen. I was too focused on him and his proximity and the things he was saying to care.
He tenderly lifts my chin, and as he presses a kiss to my forehead, the world seems to stand still. It’s bittersweet. The gesture itself is kind,caring, but it's exactly what Asmo used to do to comfort me and that breaks my heart in two, while simultaneously stitching it back together at the exact same time.
My teeth catch my lower lip to keep it from trembling. “I thought I was supposed to process all the changes in my life before doing anythinglike this.”
“I said you needed to process before youmateanyone. Just, after today and everything that's happened…” he trails off, meandering toward the door. “You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. You’ll get through this.”
Here I am, tears in my eyes, vulnerability laid bare, and yet, he seesstrength?
Reaching the door, Loric slips out without another word, leaving me to my thoughts.
