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He nods once, driving a veined hand through his silken hair, then looks at me as if he's not here to talk about the room. “It was, yes.”
I swallow thickly. “Do you know why I didn't say anything?”
“You didn't want me to take you back there, where you'd have to marry someone.” He holds his hands up a moment before letting them fall back to his sides. “Is there another reason?”
“I didn't know who you were, and I knew my father had made enemies on the mainland. I wasn't sure if you'd force me to go home or if you'd take it badly. In Vanderlyth, we're taught that demons are heartless creatures. I thought the king and queen might take me prisoner.”
“Do you still feel that way?”
“No… I don't.” I hang my head, hating that I didn't speak up sooner. “But by the time I saw the truth, you'd gone into a coma and I didn't feel like hitting you with that was the best thing to do the first day you woke up. Then, the queen came, and well, you know the rest.”
There wasn't much time. With all that's happened, I'm not sure I would've found the right time to tell him in between it all, and once we kissed, I knew I needed to. Something insideme wanted to make sure it was done right, when the timing was better.
Except, that time never came.
“You must hate me…” I shake my head. “I'm so sorry. If I could go back, I would.”
“I wouldn't.” Asmo steps closer, and I glance up at him in shock. “And I could never hate you, Starlight.”
“You wouldn't?”
“No.Would I have rather you told me? Yeah, but I enjoyed the time we've had together. I wouldn't take that back.” He takes another step, closing the distance, and brushes the hair from my face, tucking it behind my ears.
“I don't know what to do,” I say, my voice barely a whisper as I bite back tears. “I want to stay and go back to Grim's keep with you, but I also don't want war, or for others to die because of my happiness.”
He folds his arms around me, the warmth of his body seeping into mine. His heart thumps, slow and steady, against my ear, the scent of nightshade tingling my nose.
If I stay here, I could have this.
But I can't.
He cradles my head to his chest, strong fingers brushing through my hair. “I know…” Tears slip free, gliding down my cheeks as he holds me through every rattling breath. “If you choose to go home, I'll break our deal. I'll respect your decision, but just know there's always a place for you at Grim's Keep. I'll even teach you how to summon me should you need to be properly kidnapped.”
I snort out a laugh, through the tears. “I'll be married.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “Ugh,gods, I'll bemarried…”
“We have a plethora of graves—”
“No. You're not killing anyone for me.” I swat at his chest.
He shrugs. “You never know.” His thumb absently strokes the soft skin of my cheek as if memorizing its texture. I can’t help but look up at him, finding his warm, amber eyes entranced by my lips.
“Please,” I plead, cupping his face. “If I have to leave, I want to enjoy what time there is left.”
“It’ll only make it harder…” Asmo’s throat bobs, but his star never leaves my lips.
“It might,” I admit, standing up on my tip toes. “But if I go back, I’ll have to spend the rest of my life married to a man I wish would’ve drowned in that ocean. It’s this time with you, as short as it may be, that I’m going to think about when I close my eyes.”
He brings his forehead to mine, his breath rumbling in his throat. Just as I believe he’s going to cave, to give me what I’m asking, he grips my wrist, and my heart sinks. But instead of pushing me away, he tugs me closer. Our lips collide, a rush of electricity surging between us.
Asmo tastes of wine, sweet and bitter and currents of his power slip over my skin, stronger than I’ve ever felt it before. We’re a tangle of arms and breaths, until the world around us ceases to exist. It’s just him and me and this moment. This heartbreaking, bittersweet moment.
Starved fingers thread through my hair, his lips searing a path down my neck. I can feel the steady thump of his heart against my chest as if it’s trying to synchronize with mine. Grappling to him for dear life, a part of me wonders if I hold him close enough, tight enough, maybe I can stay. Maybe I don’t have to part from him. Except I know the truth deep down in my very soul, and it threatens to splitter my soul into countless shards.
Not just because he’s everything I’ve dreamed of when I’ve looked to the future, of who I’d marry one day. But, leaving him means returning to a home I hate. Where my own father blamesme for the deaths of my family, where the people of our culture frown upon every hair on my head, and the color of my eyes…
I don’t want to give my hand to a man who sees me as a toy, who only wishes to marry me to gain my last name. My life will be belittled to a sitting next to my husband, pumping out heirs. I’ll become a living puppet for him to shove his cock into as he pleases, instead of spending his nights in the brothels. There are no dreams. There’s no happily ever after waiting for me. I’ll just exist.
In the time I’ve known the man I’ll be forced to wed, he’s only ever made me feel inadequate. He’s picked apart every dress I’ve worn, mentioning how it would look better on a slender, traditional elven woman’s body instead of mine. He even hired a witch to glamour me into having silver hair and eyes, like most purebloods. Then took it a step further by employing the most renowned nutritionist in the islands to see to me losing weight before our wedding. Apparently, a glamour wouldn’t be enough for that, though I’m fairly certain not eating won’t affect how wide the bones of my hips are or the size of my breasts.
