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“Take the out? The way you describe it, you’d be crazy not to want all those luxuries. Instead, you’re here, in a shit motel, with me. So, yeah, I’m askin’ you why?”
“Because it wasn’t the way out of anything. It was the way in. Willingly stepping into a cage and slapping a cuff on your wrist disguised as a wedding ring. That life got my family killed, Connor, put a ransom on my head, and—” I stopped myself short before I offered up more than I should.
“And? And what, Dani?” He was already closing the distance, once again trying to comfort me when all I wanted was space. Or maybe I did want the comfort and just didn’t want to admit it. Either way, I felt like I was crawling out of my skin.
“And it doesn’t matter. We both know you’re too clean for this life, pretty boy.” I stepped back as far as I could get without falling onto the mattress.
“That’s where you’re wrong, dollface. I can be as dirty as you want me to be.” Connor’s lips tipped up at one side and it was hard not to play into his charms.
“I’m being serious, MacCullagh. This is still an adrenaline rush for you. Your dopamine levels are all over the place. But once the high wears off and you realize this is my day-to-day… my reality… That I’m not gonna stop just because some guy with a decent cock decided he likes me… Once that happens, you’re gonna run. And I’m not gonna stop you. I’ll be that girl you used to fuck before you met your nice little perfect Irish wife and had your 2.5 kids. And you’ll be the fucker whose dick I think about every now and then. That’s all we are to each other, Connor. Soon-to-be memories. Maybe not even that.” I didn’t know where any of this came from. I just knew it felt both lighter and heavier to say. I also knew it was the truth. Every word of it.
I didn’t believe in fantasies, in pretending I was someone different from the image the harsh world made me out to be. Sure, I didn’t mind getting lost to the sex, alcohol, drugs. But right now, I was too stone-cold sober to escape the truth of our situation. Connor and I, we were temporary.
“Well, you got one part right. I do have a decent cock. But the rest of it? Yeah, it’s all bullshit, Dani. All assumptions you’re making on my behalf. Insecurities you’re manifesting in your head and deflecting onto me.”
“I’m not?—”
“You are.” In place of the softness, Connor’s expression was set hard. Determined. And I had to admit I admired his ability to transition between the two so freely. It was much more difficult for me to let down those walls. Took much more time and effort. “But that’s okay. Because I think I’m beginning to understand you a little better now. And all that’s doin’ is making me fall for you quicker, Dani. Deeper.”
Before I had a moment to think, to realize what he was telling me, Connor was leaning forward, one palm pressed to the side of my face as he lowered his mouth to my lips in a kiss that was meant to silence me. And it worked. I was struck dumb.
“Now, let’s go see my ma.”
36
It was the most freeing feeling in the world. Like stripping bare and running naked through a field. You get the visual. Though it wasn’t something I recommended. No one warned you about all the insects biting your ass, the vegetation chaffing you in parts you shouldn’t be chaffing, your balls bouncing in a way that was unnatural. But that was beside the point. For the first five minutes, it was fucking liberating.
And that was me. In this moment. Right now. With the realization that I was falling for this girl. Maybe I was already there. Who the fuck knew?
It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders as soon as it occurred to me that that’s what it was. Yeah, I’d been coming on strong since day one. Was drawn to her in a way I didn’t quite understand from the moment her knuckles made contact with my jaw. But when did that infatuation turn to more? Couldn’t tell you. It was both gradual and all at once.
We were driving into the unknown together, one hand on the steering wheel and another on her thigh. My muscles ached, my gut was still on fire and fucking itchy as hell, and a bunch of Irish mob bosses were waiting to do God knows what to us in the city.And I couldn’t be more at ease, as I hummed along to the song on the radio and tapped my free hand to the beat, my eyes laser-focused on the empty road ahead of us.
“You’re gonna have to let me take the lead on this one. You know that, right?” Dani asked from where she was positioned on the passenger seat, her tone like a bucket of ice water on my good mood. “I’ve been dealing with Benny my whole life. I know how the fucker works. How our world works. They’ll just see you as an outsider, Connor. You have to trust me on this.”
“Trust you with my fuckin’ life, baby girl. Them, not so much.” I shifted my hand from her thigh back onto the steering wheel, clutching the faux leather until my knuckles turned white.
“Good. 'Cause you shouldn’t trust them. This is some sort of game and I need to figure out their next move.”
“And if you don’t?” I quirked a brow.
“You trying to imply they’re smarter than me, pretty boy? It took those fuckers six years to find onewee lassliving a few blocks down the street from them. And only because she willingly walked into their club. More than once.”
“Look at that. We might just make a proper Irish girl outta you yet.” I grinned, glancing in her direction before returning my gaze to the road.
“Not a chance in hell, Connor. But grease back that hair of yours and throw on a leather jacket and you might be able to hang in my neck of the woods.”
“Anything for you, dollface.”
“Something tells me you actually mean that.”
“'Cause I do. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, Dani,” I told her honestly, chancing a glance her way while waiting for the aftermath.
“Why?”
Well, that wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. No, what I was expecting was a smart-mouthed comment or a too-hard jab to the arm.
But progress was fucking progress and I’d take it. I just needed to tread carefully or risk having her backpedal.
