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I still don’t know if I can ever trust her again, or if I’m even capable of loving someone. My heart was so destroyed last time, I don’t know if I have enough of it left to fall in love again.
Then again, I don’t think I ever stopped loving Teigan. Even with a shattered heart, it still beats only for her.
Things with Evan seem to have gone from bad to worse. After we almost kissed in the gym a couple of days ago, I thought maybe we were making progress. But then everything with Bree and Whitlock happened, and if anything, we’re even further apart now than we were.
When I first arrived at the safe house, it was easy to tell that Evan was avoiding me. He actively went out of his way to be in a different room to me and made as little small talk as possible. I had no idea how to behave around him, or whether to speak to him about it.
After the night we had Chinese together and watched a movie, I thought we’d finally made some progress. We were talking; he wasn’t actively avoiding me anymore… It was fine. Good even.
It felt easy to be in his company, and it reminded me a lot of when we were together. Being with Evan used to feel as natural as breathing, and just being in the same room as him gave me an overwhelming sense of calm that I can’t explain. So having him actually want to talk to me, not leaving the room whenever I entered, it felt nice. I was happy with the progress, but I still wanted more.
I thought the self defence lessons would be like killing two birds with one stone. I would get to spend more time with Evan, getting to know him all over again, and I’d learn to protect myself at the same time. I didn’t see any world where this plan could go wrong. Hell, I even got to leer at him in his shorts and tight T-shirt that showed off his muscles, whilst he got all hot and sweaty with me.
I just never thought there could be a negative side to the plan, but then each session seemed to leave us both more and more antsy. Evan was getting snappy and short with me, whilst I was growing more angry and frustrated that he wasn’t really teaching me how to fight back.
What should have been a perfect plan to spend time together and get to know each other again, left us both irritable and cranky, not to mention further apart than we were before.
Well…until we almost kissed.
I can still picture that moment with perfect clarity. The cocky smirk on his face as his emerald eyes sparkled with lust. The way his gaze raked over my body, leaving a trail of fire across my skin. The way my skin heated and sizzled as I pinned him to the floor.
I can still feel the way his cock hardened beneath me as I straddled his wide hips, grinding against me in the most fucking delicious way. His lips were so close, I could almost taste him as we shared the same breath. My body ached for him, and I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me.
When he flipped me over, caging me in with his body, I genuinely felt like I’d died and gone to Heaven. It was the most delicious torture, just waiting for him to take me the way he used to.
All the indecision and uncertainty that have consumed us since I arrived flew out of the window. When he looked up at me with that heated stare, I knew he wanted me the same way I craved him. All the reasons we had for staying away, for not repeating the mistakes of the past, they were gone… It was just us again.
Who knows what would have happened had our lips connected the way we wanted them to? Sadly, Bree interrupted us, and we’ve not been able to get back to that place since.
In fact, things have progressively gotten worse between us. Now, Evan barely talks to me, and he does everything in his power to avoid making eye contact. I don’t know if it’s because we almost kissed, or because he doesn’t agree with my decision to be part of the team who will deal with Whitlock.
He was so mad at me after yesterday’s meeting, but I can’t bring myself to regret my decision.
“Thank you, everyone, for coming. And thank you to Evan and Teigan for letting us crash your safe house again,” Bree says, starting the meeting.
The whole family is all seated around the large table in a room on the top floor of the safe house, which has been assigned as a meeting room. We’ve had a couple of smaller meetings here over the last couple of weeks, but I’ve always felt more like an observer—maybe even a gatecrasher—as they discussed their plans following my auction. Sometimes I don’t attend, just Evan does, and other times, I’m not paying much attention asthe conversation is foreign to me. This time, I’ve been invited, but I still feel a little weird.
Evan is sitting beside me, wearing the suit I’ve come to realise is like a uniform for him. Whenever he puts it on, his face changes into this cruel mask of indifference, and I’ve never seen him look colder—or more like his father.
Every member of the Doughty family, and their partners, are present, with the exception of Mia, who is looking after the children.
From what I can gather, she doesn’t want to have any kind of active role in the family, but she supports them if needed. I also imagine she doesn’t want to be part of this discussion, given her personal involvement in the subject.
“Get on with it, please, Bree. Some of us have better things to do today,” Evan snaps, waving with his hand in a very rude gesture.
“You can always fucking leave, dickhead,” Liam barks from beside Bree, defending his wife.
“Yeah, your moody ass doesn’t need to be involved in this,” Kian adds, throwing a cocky wink at Evan that I can tell winds him up.
Evan tenses beside me, balling his hands into fists so tight, his knuckles are white as he grinds his teeth. He’s about to say something back when Bree cuts him off.
“Okay, let’s not have this meeting fall apart into another slanging match, please. We’re here to talk about Whitlock.”
“Can we kill him yet?” Kellan asks, his voice sounding more lethal than I’ve ever heard.
Even growing up, Kellan was always the quiet, sarcastic one, not known to be violent, so his tone feels really out of character right now. Then again, I think a lot of the anger he feels towards Whitlock probably is because of the love he has for Mia. I only know a little of their story, but the thingsMortimer did to his own daughter are awful, and I don’t blame Kel for wanting him to be more than punished.
Bree grimaces as she looks over at Kel. “I’m sorry, Kel, but no. We can’t kill him.”
