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“I guess so,” I grumble, struggling to think of anything else even remotely polite to say. “How are you doing?”
I try not to grimace as the question tumbles from my lips, while I cross my fingers, hoping she doesn’t actually open up to me. I want her to talk to me, but there are enough soppy men in this house for her to open up to without her confiding in me. Luckily, she can clearly see I don’t want her honest reply, and she responds in kind.
“Better than I was. I’m assuming you want to ask me about her?” Her eyes flick to the floor, looking a little uneasy, though I’m not sure if it’s because of me or the awkwardness of the conversation in general.
“Finn said he showed you a recent picture of Teigan, and I guess I just wondered if you were sure it was her or not?” I don’t know why I hold my breath, or why I cross my fingers behind my back, hoping for a response we both know isn’t going to come.
“He did,” she pauses, before lifting her gaze back to meet mine. Her chocolate eyes are clouded with unshed tears, and my heart sinks. “I can’t be sure, as I wasn’t exactly in a good headspace at the time, but I think it was her.”
My stomach flips and my heart sinks. I think deep down I already knew the answer, but hearing her confirm it, means that the last little shred of hope I was holding onto flies away, and I’m left with an empty pit of despair. I’ve never felt more useless.
I feel a soft hand against my arm, and I look up to see a tear rolling down McKenna’s cheek as she reaches out to comfort me. It’s nothing more than a squeeze of her tiny hand around my bicep, but I can feel the last part of my soul fracture.
“She was kind to me,” McKenna whispers, and that’s enough to grab my attention again. “Even though I didn’t recognise her properly, I remember thinking at the time that there was something familiar about her. I put it down to the fact she was Irish, and that the familiar accent was a comfort to me when I needed one. But now I’m starting to wonder if it was more than that. Like I did know her. Either way, she was kind, and she tried to look after me as best she could.”
I hang on to every word she says, like an addict waiting for my next fix. My heart aches for more information, and with each new thing she says, I know in my soul that it was Teigan. She’s the only girl I know who would put her own wellbeing to the side to help someone else. She’s never had much self-preservation, preferring to show kindness to others rather than herself. It was one of the things I loved most about her, and now it might be what gets her killed.
“I should have known she’d be taking care of others instead of herself. Did she…did she look okay?” I struggle to get the sentence out, and I choose to ignore the way McKenna’s eyes tighten, like she’s trying not to wince.
“Erm… I didn’t see any obvious injuries. She looked a bit tired and rundown, but I didn’t see any wounds or anything,” she replies.
I knew as much from the thousand times I’ve watched the CCTV footage on repeat, but I hoped hearing her confirm it for me would set my nerves at ease. It doesn’t.
“That’s good to know,” I reply on autopilot, not meaning a word, and I think McKenna knows that.
“We will get her back. I know it’s taking longer than it should, but the whole family seems determined to save her, and so I’m sure it won’t be long now,” she replies, giving my arm one final squeeze before she lets go.
I know she’s just saying that to be polite. She will have heard me rant more than once over the last few weeks about how long it’s taking. We mounted McKenna’s rescue in a day or two, and yet I’m still sitting here weeks later.
I know logically that it’s not the same situation. For a long time, we simply had no idea where Teigan was, or how to get in touch with people who would know. We’ve been relying on Whitlock to give us the information, and he’s been keeping his cards close to his chest, until he’s sure he’s got a winning hand.
I made it perfectly clear the other day that I’m done waiting. If he doesn’t give us her location, I will simply kill him and find another way. That’s how we got in touch with this guy from The Aristocracy called The Sheriff. Which puts us one step closer to finding Tee.
“Thanks,” I mumble, before adding, “I’m glad you’re doing better. Finn was a mess without you.” I’m sure she knows I don’t just mean the days she was missing.
Finn was never the same after he pushed McKenna away. It happened around the same time Teigan left me, and I was drowning in my own despair so much I barely noticed his. But as the years went on, it was clear he never got over her. Like me, he threw himself into his job, and tried to put her far from his mind, until she came back into his life.
I mean it when I say he’s never been happier than he is now, but I can’t help but hold on to a small amount of bitterness that he got the second chance I won’t ever have. Not that I would want one. I let her trample over my heart ten years ago. There’s no way I will open myself up to that pain again.
No, the reason I want to save her is simply because of the feelings I used to have. Nothing at all to do with anything else. Maybe if I keep repeating that enough times, it will be true.
“Meeting starts in five,” shouts Liam as he bangs on my door a couple of times.
I resist the urge to yell obscenities at him, or reminding him that I am perfectly capable of telling the fucking time, given I do own a watch. It’s much harder to resist than I thought. Instead, I smooth out the black shirt I’ve just fastened, making sure it’s tucked into my black pressed trousers. Once I add the shiny black shoes, my uniform is complete.
I’m sure everyone else will be in regular clothes, but that’s not me. I am not attending the meeting as myself. I’m going as Evan Doughty, leader of the Doughty family in Ireland, and I have a role to play. The uniform helps me stay in character.
I run my fingers through my jet black hair, noting that it’s getting long enough now to curl slightly. I will have to shave it off soon. I remember a time when Teigan used to beg me to grow it out. She said she enjoyed running her fingers through it, pulling on the long ends when I was deep inside of her. I keep it short now so I don’t have to remember her saying this.
I stomp down to the meeting room on the second floor, one floor down from my room. There’s a large oval table that takes up the majority of the space, and most of the surrounding chairs are already filled. Bree is in the centre, with Liam to her right and Kian to her left. All my siblings are here, including theirpartners. I’m even shocked to see Father and Mum sitting to the right. It looks like this is a whole family meeting, not just work.
There’s an empty seat between Dad and Shane, and I take it. For just a moment, I allow myself to wallow when I realise I’m the only one left without a partner. All my other siblings have found love. They’ve settled down, got married, started families, and I’m still alone.
It’s not like I sit here all the time feeling sorry for myself, wishing I was married with kids. Since Tee left, I’ve never seen that in my future. If I’m being honest, I always figured I’d take over from Father and then die young, caught up in a violent world full of revenge and animosity. But as I look at all my younger siblings, and the happiness they’ve found, even in our world, I can’t help but wonder if I should dream of more.
Then I remember the crippling heartbreak I was left with after she abandoned me, and I know there’s nothing in this world that will make me open myself up to that kind of pain again. I’d rather get shot in the fucking ass, and that’s saying something.
As soon as I throw myself into the seat, straightening my posture whilst jutting my chin out defiantly, I snap before anyone else has the chance to make small talk. “What’s the update? Do we have the handover details yet?”
