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Even though I had my reasons, I’m the one who made this mess, and I think I’m going to have to be the one to fix it. I know this can either go well, or it can go really fucking bad and my headache will return, but I need to try.
Lifting my gaze to look at her, I find she’s already staring at me, and I love the way her cheeks flush when she’s caught. I take a deep breath to steel my nerves, before I speak, keeping my voice as neutral as I can.
“Would you like to do any self defence stuff in the gym today?”
Her eyes flick back up to meet mine, widening slightly. I’m not sure if she’s surprised by my question, or the fact I’mspeaking to her at all. So, I’m not remotely surprised when her reply has a snarky edge to it. “How will you be able to train me when you seem so adamant to not be in the same room as me?”
I almost roll my eyes at her tone, but since I quite like my balls attached, I bite the inside of my cheek instead. “I will make an exception,” I say smoothly, unable to keep the cocky smirk off my face at the end.
The hand that’s not holding her coffee curls into a fist so tightly that her knuckles turn white. “How kind of you,” she snaps, sarcasm dripping from every word.
“What can I say? I’m a gentleman,” I add, knowing full well I’m winding her up now. But I’ve finished my coffee, so I’m much better prepared than I was before. Besides, seeing her getting all riled up is kinda hot.
“A gentleman,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “There’s nothing gentlemanly about you. You’re a first class, grade A, asshole, and that’s on a good day.” Her body is practically vibrating with anger as she sneers at me.
“I’m the asshole? You’re the one stomping around here like a toddler in the middle of a fucking tantrum. I’ve met hormonal pregnant women with less fucking mood swings than you,” I snap.
I’m very aware my plan to stay calm and to try to talk to her, to get the house back to normal, may be falling apart right now. But I’m not going to let her stand here and throw all the blame my way.
Yes, I abandoned her after kissing her, but I had good reasons. One was to protect her, and the other was to protect myself. She might think she’s got the moral fucking high ground here, but I certainly haven’t forgotten that she’s the one who broke my heart all those years ago.
She left me. I may have left her after the kiss, but that’s not even a fraction of what she did to me, so she can’t play the victimin this situation. Her fucking childish behaviour needs to stop, right now.
“Fuck you. You say I have mood swings, but I’m nothing compared to you. I’m seriously starting to wonder whether you have multiple personalities. There’s the version of you that’s nice and kind, but we rarely see him. Instead, we see his snarkier, brooding side that huffs around like he doesn’t want to be here, and he’s pissed off with the world. You give me fucking whiplash, Evan,” she shouts, standing up from her stool as she begins stalking towards me.
Her hands are still balled into fists, and her chest is rising and falling rapidly from how worked up she is. Her grey eyes are molten as she glares at me, practically vibrating with rage.
I’m sure she’s seeing something similar reflected back, as my fury and irritability is crackling away below the surface, trying to break free.
When she’s standing within reaching distance from me, I take in a shuddered breath, not sure where the hell I’m going to go now. I don’t want to say something that will hurt her, but we’re having this argument now, and I can’t see either of us backing down.
“You givemefucking whiplash. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you, and it confuses the hell out of me. I keep away from you because I just don’t know what to say to you sometimes.” My voice cracks at the end, and she catches it. Her head tilts as her brow furrows.
“What do you mean you don’t know how to talk to me? We’ve been talking fine the last few weeks,” she replies, sounding a little more calm now than she did before.
“Okay then, if we can talk to each other, then why have you been stomping around the house like a stroppy teen for the past week?” I ask pointedly, brow raised in question, as I wonder if she’s going to be honest.
Her breath hitches as she curls one of her arms around her stomach, like she’s trying to comfort herself. It’s such a simple gesture, but it makes her look so small. “I was embarrassed.”
Her words are barely above a whisper, but they hit me like she screamed at me. “Embarrassed?”
“Yes, embarrassed. Do you think it’s easy for me to put myself out there after everything that’s happened? To risk getting hurt all over again. When you said you never got over me, I thought that meant you liked me still. I misread the situation. I put myself out there, and you rejected me. So, yes, I’m fucking embarrassed, okay?”
She reaches up with one of her hands to swipe across her cheek, and that’s when I see a stray tear under her eye. She blinks them away, like they were never there, but the devastation on her face guts me.
“You didn’t misread the situation,” I reply, my voice deep and full of the emotions I’ve been trying to hide.
“What?” she asks, her eyes widening as her mouth drops open.
“I do like you. That’s part of the problem. I don’t think I ever stopped liking you, and as soon as we started living here, it was so easy to remember what we were like together. I think we probably could have easily slipped back into the relationship we were in a decade ago, like no time at all had passed. But it has. We’re not the same people anymore, and we can’t pretend that we are.”
Tee takes a small step towards me, she’s so close I can smell her vanilla and strawberry shampoo. “I-If we both…still…like each other…maybe we should try?”
Although she holds my gaze as she stutters out each word, as soon as she finishes, it’s like she loses the last of her confidence, and while her cheeks flush red, she drops to look at the floor.Without thinking, I reach out and hook my finger under her chin, forcing her to lift her head until she’s looking at me.
My heart is racing so fast I can hear it beating in my ears, and even though I try to take deep breaths to calm down, I can’t. I want more than anything to agree with her, to tell her we can try, but it’s not that easy. “I don’t know if I can,” I mutter, and she recoils like I just hit her, making my chest ache.
I rush to explain. “It’s just, after you left last time, I barely survived. I was broken, and I didn’t think I’d ever recover. In fact, I’m still not sure I have. If we were to try again, I would have to trust you with my heart, and I don’t think I’ll survive if you break it again.”
