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You’re better off without him in your life, Eloise. We both are.
Alistair holds me as I scream into his chest, sobbing with pain and rage at everything that might have been, everything that was taken away from me.
From us.
When the fury is gone, and all that remains in me is sadness, he holds me in his arms on the floor as I cry into his chest and tell him about the miscarriage, and the hemorrhaging. His hands tighten on me and his own breath chokes with emotion when that part comes out.
“You tried to tell me…”
His voice is so broken when it rasps from his throat.
As if I could forget.
It was two weeks after the miscarriage. Two weeks of no contact with Alistair. Then finally, right before graduation, I saw him across campus, and I couldn’t stop myself.
I still don’t know why. It sure wasn’t about getting answers from him. Maybe I just needed him to know what I’d gone through.
I made it all the way over to him, and even managed to get out “I have to tell you something” before he stopped me with the words that will forever be etched on my soul.
“From the very bottom of my heart, Eloise. Go the fuck to hell, and don’t ever cross my path again.”
Then he was gone. And that was the last time we ever spoke.
“Jesus Christ,” he chokes out, holding me tighter.
“Alistair, you didn’t know. You still thought I’d?—”
“I could have listened,” he hisses. “I could have stopped, and shut my ego down and just. Fucking. Listened to you.”
Tears run hot down my cheeks.
“I thought you hated m?—”
“Eloise.”
He pulls back slightly, cupping my chin and lifting my face to his.
“That was the damn problem, princess,” he growls quietly. “You could have fucked every man on the planet, stabbed me in the heart, and stood over me laughing while I bled out, Eloise,” he murmurs, holding my face in his hands. “And my problem would have always been the same damn thing.”
I’m crying as I bite my lip. “Which is what?”
“That as hard as I try, I love you too fucking much to hate you at all.”
The breath leaves my body.
My world goes still.
“I’ve loved you for ten fucking years, Eloise. And the only way I could survive that was to convince myself that the love was hate.”
I don’t think. I don’t hesitate. I don’t let the chains of the past weigh me down or stop me.
“I love you.”
The words fly from my mouth right before I slam my lips to his. He growls into my kiss, making me moan, his tongue pushing past my lips to dance with mine.
The kiss is feverish and wild, a lifeline we’re both clinging to as the storm breaks over us. I whimper, kissing him harder and deeper as my hands shove desperately at his jacket. Suddenly I’m gasping when Alistair stands, still holding me in his arms, lifting me into his chest. I cling to him, kissing him wildly and feverishly as he carries me into his bedroom.
My back hits the bed. Alistair all but rips his clothes off, revealing his insane, muscled, tattooed body to my hungry gaze. Instantly, he’s all over me. His mouth devours my neck and my collarbone as he pushes the baggy t-shirt he’s loaned me up and over my head. My arms are still tangled up in it when he drops his mouth to my breasts, taking my breath away as he sucks, bites, and licks at my nipples until my back is arching off the bed and my body is on fire for him.
