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Impossibly, Gabriel’s thick, hot cock swells even bigger. With a grunt, he pulls out of my gasping, drooling, messy mouth. I moan as hot ropes of cum splatter against my face, my lips, and on my outstretched tongue before dripping onto my chest.
With a dark, rasping growl, he buries his cock in the back of my mouth, letting me taste him as he empties his balls down my throat.
There are things we’re not supposed to like.
Desires we’re not supposed to seek out.
Words we’re not supposed to crave.
And suddenly, for the first time, I’m guessing the reason we’re told these things. Because now that I’ve peeked behind the curtain? Now that I’ve tasted the fruit from the tree I’m not supposed to go near, and explored the darkest parts of myself I’m not meant to discover?
Now, I’m not sure I can ever go back to “normal” ever again.
6
FUMI
There are moments in life where A becomes B. Where what was your reality becomes something new.
At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, that’s how it feels when I walk into work the next day after spending the previous night being Gabriel’s willing, eager, submissive toy.
Part of it is the tingling, throbbing, naughty feeling deep inside that I’m keeping a wild secret from everyone. It’s like the thrill of an illicit affair without, I suppose, the awful guilt that would go along with it.
I feel like I’m an explorer who’s just discovered some secret, Indiana Jones-style hidden tomb of treasures, and nobody but me knows about it yet.
On one hand, last night was just sex. I mean, that’s the boring version, but technically it’s correct.
But no jury in the world would agree to that characterization of what happened between Gabriel and me if they knew the details. Because last night was not “just sex”.
It was something primal. It was on the bleeding edge of being unhinged, if not downright terrifying. There were points where I was scared. But that’s exactly it; that’s the biggest part of it.
For me, that hint of danger and fear is what made it not “just sex”.
That dark edge that I allowed myself to explore last night, for the very first time in my life, is why it feels like I’ve unlocked a new part of myself today, and opened a door that I know will never be shut again.
The yearnings started when I was quite young, and just learning about myself, what made me tick, and what desires and kinks even were. That’s how I know that the darkness I crave isn’t a trauma response to what happened to me when I was nineteen. It was there, lurking under the surface, long before that.
It’s just that I’m a little broken inside. A little fucked up.
Or at least, that’s how I thought of it until last night.
Until he unlocked that door inside of me, and let all my dirty secrets spill out onto the floor.
I’m aware that there are other people out there who have the same dark, violent kinks and sexual desires that I do. I mean, obviously. But I’ve never explored those violent desires with anyone before.
I almost did. Once. I signed up for a social media site—basically Facebook for kinksters—where like-minded people can connect and possibly hook up. I talked with “DomDaddy83” for a week online before I agreed to meet him—in public, during the day.
I mean, I’m not stupid.
Except once we did meet for coffee, whatever cautious optimism I had about finally exploring that dark side of me with someone else evaporated. My mind started finding a million excuses once we were face-to-face why I would not be exploring anything but a farewell with him.
Then he asked me to give him my panties as a souvenir, and that was the end of that.
I left, deleted my site account, and never attempted to talk with another person…ever…about my dark desires.
Until last night.
With my boss, of all people.
